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SLAY Your Inner Bully – NOW!

Photo by Jasmina Photogrpahy. Graphic credit: Talented Mr. Salas

If you have been following me for a little bit then you would have heard me talk about, write about, and teach about how to Slay that Inner Bully that we all have.  However, some of you may not know what I mean when I say Slay Your Inner Bully  so I’m going to break it down.

Every single one of us on this earth, whether you are a multi-millionaire or of very meager means (or somewhere in between) have an inner voice.  This voice can encourage us, correct us, and it can motivate us to do things we only dreamed of doing.  However, if not managed correctly, this voice can kill our spirit.  What I mean is that this voice has the ability to remind us of all of our mistakes, to tell us that we are not enough, and to allow us to be comfortable living in fear or worse, it will encourage us to live within our comfort zone.

Photo credit/address link click HERE

I like to read and I love to people watch.  When I do this it allows me to study human behavior.  This has helped me to do effective work with clients whether they are seeing me for therapy or for coaching.  What I have observed over and over again, is that people’s lack of awareness of self combined with the mismanagement of their inner critic (inner bully) feeds the insecurities that we have and prevents us from living our life in abundance.  When I say abundance I mean being happy to the core.

For those of you who do not know, I went through a really low period in my life.  As I was going through it, my support team was surprised but happy that my outlook was that I would get through it because so often when people are depressed they do not have that hope to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  But I did.  I vowed that as I spent time to heal, I would spend the rest of my life helping others learn the strategies needed to move past their obstacles and live an abundant life.   That feeling of hopelessness does not have to be your reality.  There are ways to get past it.

Soooooooooooooo, you should know that I am a problem solver.  If I do not see a solution I will figure out how to create a solution.  And that is exactly what I did when it comes to slaying that inner bully.  For those of you who want to learn these strategies too, I’m going to suggest you do two things:

  1.  Watch the video above.  If you already have then you’ve already started to invest in you!  AWESOME!  You will agree with me that the video is fun, it’s quick, and it’s full of some great tips.  If you missed it, Click HERE  (Please subscribe to the youtube channel for more great videos in 2019):  
  2.   Consider joining me and my biz partner, Jennifer Jimbere, for the next round of the Slay Your Inner Bully  course.  You will join other powerful people who want to slay their inner bully and together we will work together for 6 weeks – weekly online class, encouraging emails, one on one access with the Thrive Experts, a supportive group and lots of learning and fun.                                                                      Click the link here to join us January 8th: https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/   (Please note that all classes are recorded so if you cannot make it live, the link will be sent to you and you can still participate in a meaningful way).

One of the ways to thrive in your life is to take time to invest in yourself.  Invest your time and resources into always making you the best you that you can be (I think i got that from Dr. Seuss).  

You totally got this and remember #SlayYourDay.

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  You got this!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Let’s Get Our Happiness On!

We have talked about  doing a self audit earlier this week
(see Dec. 10, 2018 post) and I promised to offer up strategies and tools to help accomplish a great personal audit. Well today, let’s do a happiness audit shall we?

Photo by Jasmina Photography

Happiness is a subjective emotion wouldn’t you think? I mean, what makes me happy will not necessarily make you happy. However, in order for us all to be on the same page with what I mean when I use the word happy let’s work from the same definition.  

The best definition that I have come by was written by Rubin Khoddam Ph.D who wrote:

Research in the field of positive psychology and happiness often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

Basically a happy person will experience both positive and negative emotions but the frequency of the experience of positive emotions is more than the experience of negative emotions.  Make sense?

So how do we do an audit? How do we test how happy we actually are?

Photo credit:  Tanneisha McDonald

In my pursuit to find answers to these questions I came across a psychologist named Barbara L. Fredrickson. She studies the science of Positive Psychology and the pursuit of happiness. She and her team have developed the happiness test.  Click this link to try it out:  https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/…/

This test will help to measure your personal happiness and provide you with suggestions on how to improve your score (assuming it needs improving).

Try it out! You may be surprised by the result. Remember, becoming aware of your current state is the best way to improve your current state.

For those of you who may be struggling with the concept of being happy to the core, it may be because of that inner voice that I call the inner bully.  The inner bully can really feed us a load of crap that we, more often than not, will believe.  It will tell us what we can and cannot do while reminding us of all the things we have ever done wrong in life – sound familiar?  If you are having some difficulty managing that inner bully or as I like to say SLAYING that inner bully then you are in luck!  Check out this link:  https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/ and join me and my partner in crime, Jennifer Jimbere, as we help you to learn the skills and strategies to slay that inner bully.  

https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/

If you have questions there are almost a dozen ways to reach me – check it out below.

Oh – and don’t forget #SlayYourDay. You got this!

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email her atinfo@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

websites:  www.jenslay.com                                                                   www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Why Re-invent the Wheel?

Image of Wheel link address

Have you ever been in a creative mood or you found yourself brainstorming with a group of people and after some time someone says “Let’s not reinvent the wheel”? Typically people say this when they have spent a significant period of time trying to create something that is unique and fresh instead of building on what has already been done. Reinventing the wheel is often considered to be a time stealer and a frustration enhancer.

I have spent my career working with people to help them improve their current state. I have always been curious as to what makes a person tick. The study of human behavior is my drug! However, my curiosity in observation and analyzing has helped me to navigate through my own life and also be more empathetic to others. It has also helped me to realize my purose – to help people find their inner happiness or what I like to call core happiness. I essentially help people to fall in love with their life using tools they did not know they had!

But let’s get back to the matter at hand.

Today I want to focus on psychologist, Abraham Maslow. Some of you may have heard about him in school. He is the psychologist that proposed the theory of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Essentially, Maslow theorized that humans needed to meet specific base needs in order to self-actualize (to realize their full potential and pursue it). 

Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs

Maslow initially suggested that in order to achieve the top need, all of the needs before it (below it) needed to be met. For example, in order to achieve the need of safety the physiological needs had to be met. To meet the need of love/belonging, the safety needs had to be met and so on and so forth. Other researchers and scientists have argued that these levels are continuously overlapping each other and therefore the level preceding does not actually have to be fully met to reach the next level. I tend to agree with that argument.

Where am I going with this?

If we take a look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and reflect on our own lives to become aware of how we are doing at each of the levels, what results might come up for you? If we became aware of our innate needs and created a plan to have our needs sufficiently (or abundantly) met, how might our lives look different? Instead of reinventing the wheel to figure out what the meaning of life/happiness is and how we can continually motivate ourselves to meet our full potential, why not build off of what has already been theorized? The act of reflection of our lives is like taking an audit – an examination of how we are doing. In this fast paced world we can easily get lost in the hustle and bustle and not take that needed time to reflect and take the necessary steps to take care of our basic needs.

Take a look at where you fair on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as part of your daily/weekly personal audit. If there are areas you think that could use some work then I encourage you to start there. Are you thinking – how do you take an audit of your life? Let’s start somewhere simple – take a minimum of 5min per day to be still and do nothing. During this 5 min, I encourage you to allow whatever thoughts are on your mind to run through your mind and BE STILL. Start the meditation with 3 things you are grateful and end it with 3 things you are grateful for. This allows you to get into a positive frame of mind and allows you to put perspective on whatever you are going through.

Photo credit:  Stacey Koudys

Come back for more tips and strategies on how to do a personal audit. If you are in need of support, reach out and contact me at the number below and we can schedule a chat. You have all of the basic tools you need to succeed – but a little support never hurt anyone.

If you know that you want to be a part of a group of people who are looking to live life slaying the obstacles that come their way make sure to subscribe to this blog and like my fb pages (see below).

Oh – and don’t forget #SlayYourDay. You got this!

Photo credit:  Jasmina Photography

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email her at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@thrivexperts.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com                                                                                      www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Want to Thrive?

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!!

Jen Slay (me) wants to introduce an event for you to enhance your thriving abilities!

Introducing The Thrive Academy: a new way to Thrive!

“According to research, the two factors that effectively help people achieve the behavior change they desire are incentives and accountability.” ~ The Mission Podcasts

For those of you who were not aware, I have a sister company called Thrive Experts.  The focus is to help individuals and businesses thrive in their current situations – despite their current conditions.  Over my time as a counselor, a coach and now as a Thrive Expert, I have heard hundreds of excuses (reasons) for why goals have not been met.  Th most common complaints have been:

I have no time.

I can’t afford it.

I don’t know how.

I am missing the support I need to ____.

I am stuck.

Have you ever said any of these? Odds are you have.  Don’t worry though – you are not alone.  I have said some of these statements myself!

However, if you know me then you know I am a woman who will find a solution to the problem.  The solution is The Thrive Academy.

With an investment of $25 per week and 30 minutes of your time per week, the Thrive Experts will provide you with weekly educational strategy sessions and accountability partners that will help move you forward and get results.

Cool right?

It is time to focus on the right tasks whether in business, relationships, finances or life in general.

The Thrive Academy is your solution.

The time is now.

Join us EVERY Monday at 8 AM EST beginning Nov 5, 2018.

Recordings Available on demand to paid participants.

Take action. Secure your spot. Click here. > https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr

Operate above the line.

Live Life Better Than Good.

P.S. Please share this with your contacts, someone needs to hear this today.

How Does Change Really Happen?

As a counselor and as a coach there is one thing that people complain about A LOT! Most of us at one time or the other have felt this way too. It is that feeling of –

STUCK!!

That stuck feeling is especially difficult when we know in our heads what we need to do to create the change to move forward but then for one reason or the other we do not do it. Well, if I may simplify the process of change may I suggest that real change requires three steps.

1. A decision

2. Practice

3. Accountability

Like I said, I am simplifying the process. However, ideally what we want to do is to rewire our brains to create new pathways which create new habits which creates CHANGE. I was listening to an interview yesterday where Barbara Oakley, PhD was interviewing a very successful entrepreneur and he said “When you take action you always get results.” The result may not always be exactly what we want, but it gets us closer to where we want to be. Hmmmmmmm.

So how do we create this change? Here are a couple of tips to get started:

1. Make a decision. When we decide what behaviors are not serving us well then we can decide to make a change. Do you want to portray being cool as a cucumber during a crisis instead of anxious and uneasy? Do you want to curve the amount of desserts you eat in order to live a healthier lifestyle? Do you want to start reading more in an effort to gain more knowledge on a particular subject and expand your mind? No matter what the behavior or desired goal, identify it and make a decision of what you want the change/improvement to look like.

2. Practice what you preach! You made your decision now practice the skill. The key is to be aware and to consciously make decisions throughout your day that allow you to practice what it is you want to learn to do or to change. The more we practice the more it becomes a habit. A habit is something we do subconsciously. It is something that we do without thinking. If we can consciously practice the new behavior/strategy/skill then it will eventually become part of our subconscious which means it becomes something we do automatically. This is our goal!

3. Be accountable to someone. Research shows that when you are partnered with a person who is in agreement with your goals and will hold you accountable to what you say – YOU WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL! I know that when I tell someone I am going to do something I make every effort to follow through because I really do not like feeling like I am giving an excuse for why I did not do what I said I was going to do. Of course, sometimes things come up, BUT more often than not, the reason for not following through is because when we are not accountable to someone we have a tendency to procrastinate. It’s true. Being accountable to someone increases our rate of success.

The steps to create change are simple – but not necessarily easy. Increase your chances for success by making a decision, practicing what you preach, and being held accountable. Remember, when we take action we will always get a result.

This is how we thrive. Live life better than good.

Please like, leave a comment and share this post with someone you know. Someone needs to read this today.

#thriver #thrive #ThriveExperts #performance #wellness #flourish#BeBetterThanGood #finesse #PartnerInPossibility #ThriveCommunity#flourish #grow #develop #leadership #business #professionals #success#prosper #advance #positive #psychology #counselling #coaching#consulting #behaviour #ExtendedDiSC #change #mindset#SubconsiousMind #EmotionalIntelligence

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker and therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer/Thrive experts to speak at your event, email at info@thrivexperts.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@thrivexperts.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Remember to subscribe!  

That VOICE!

We all have a voice in our head that can be used to encourage and push ourselves forward. It can motivate us and provide us with daily reminders of just how wonderfully unique we are – every single one of us.  It’s too bad that this  ‘good’ voice is not the normal experience for many of us.  In fact, that inner voice can be our worst critic, or as I call it – an inner bully.
A bully uses manipulation and fear to taunt us into doing or not doing something.  A bully will tease and put us down in an effort to damage our spirit and make us feel low.  Well, let’s think about the inner bully for a moment.  The inner bully is loudest when we want to take a step towards trying something new – am I right?  When we take a step outside of the our comfort zone the bully reminds us of our short comings and tries to dissuade us from improving ourselves.
Why do you think this happens?
Well, the inner bully likes the status quo – it likes things just the way they are.  the inner bully would prefer for things to stay the way they are and not change.  It likes predictable because it is manageable and there is no risk.  In essence the bully manipulates us into not trying or pursuing something new by using our fears and inaction against us.
How is this working for you?  For me – IT SUCKED!
My bully became a roaring megaphone in my head during the most challenging times in my life to the point where I literally wanted to fall asleep and not wake up – seriously.
How did I learn to control it and manage it?  I’d love to share that with you.
Please join me this evening, Friday, June 15th at 9pm EST for a FREE Slay Your Inner Bully Masterclass.
June 15, 2018: https://lnkd.in/d3GR2pc -9pm EST
In this class you will be introduced to learning how to:
 
Eliminate Your Abundance Blocks
 
Transform Yourself into a Catalyst for Positive Change
 
Expand Abundance in Every Area of Your Life
 
Can’t make it tonight?  Register for one of the upcoming Slay Your Inner Bully FREE masterclasses and help yourself shift your life for the better!
June 19, 2018: https://lnkd.in/d2H7B7W -8am EST
June 30, 2018: https://lnkd.in/d_fUFq7 -8am EST
June 30, 2018: https://lnkd.in/d_jku5h -8pm EST

 See you soon and remember – YOU GOT THIS!  #SlayYourDay

 

 

#SlayYourDay

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Remember to subscribe!  

We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab or shoot me an email at info@jenslay.com.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
http://ow.ly/ipjk30eUSXU
Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Conversation with Jen Slay – Guest Delizioso

For TWO YEARS I’ve wanted to start this podcast called In Conversation with Jen Slay where I interview and highlight individuals from all over the world who have gone through significant challenges or who are helping to support people who are going through significant challenges.  As you know, my passion is to provide you the tools you need to live your life bigger and better than you could ever imagine.  This is but one way.

 

Tonight will be our fourth In Conversation episode!  So excited.  Let me tell you a little bit about our guests tonight.

Delizioso are comprised of two young women who are chemists, entrepreneurs and rock stars.  Hmmmmmm?  Check out their bio:

A story of two sisters that discovered the amount of toxic sludge that goes into cosmetics tremendously affects our health. So they decided to change the world of cosmetics and skincare and create a line of all the products that you would ever need. It took a few years of intense research and testing but these products had to be tested, water free, 100% natural, FRESH, raw and truly the definition of purity and luxury.
From the very start Delizioso Skincare sourced their ingredients from beautiful small fair trade farms all over the world. Everything is undiluted and genuine. Including the very unique ingredients that Delizioso Skincare has developed. The products are made to work, be healthy, and luxurious. These genuine fresh treasures are made for you.
European based knowledge of skincare and manufacturing techniques assisted Delizioso to create a line that signifies luxury at its best standards. The best modern scientific testing is brought forth. The most fresh herbs and ingredients are used, freshly grown in the company’s fields. For example: Bulgarian Rose oil, hand picked in Bulgaria yields the pure oil that is incorporated in the exquisite face creams. Just open a jar of Delizioso Skincare and you will immediately an effective and delicious product that harnesses the very power of nature at your fingertips.
How are we different from any other natural skin care lines?
So many natural skin care products are diluted with water and contain very low amounts of actives. Delizioso Skincare prides in never having to dilute our natural skincare. We carry a line of skincare like no other; containing active and biodynamic molecules in every ounce of product. From shower gels to facial creams, your skin will receive extreme nourishment and the highest quality delivery system of antioxidants. Delizioso Skincare is the only company in the world that incorporates our potent anti-oxidant complex in every single formulation. The complex formulated from raw botanicals and fruit oils derivates works to preserve our formulations and increase skin smoothing effects. Asides from that, many of our scents are specially formulated to provide you with a line of natural bath & body care with delicious and natural aromas like passion fruit and pomegranate. Completely original and unique, Delizioso Skincare provides luxurious spa quality natural skincare with outstanding effects on skin.
Our philosophy ‘natural made simple’ is actually quite simple. All our products contain 100% natural, pure, and many certified organic ingredients. Our formulations include the purest essential oils, preserving the products with a natural antioxidant preservative. Being the only company to use a preservative based on essential and plant derivates, Delizioso Skincare prides in being 100% Paraben and synthetic free.
We started our mission in the year of 2008, when our very first formulation was prepared. Environment was always a reason Delizioso Skincare started to prepare natural yet delicious formulations, and bath body products. Another achievement we pride is being 100% cruelty free. We all love our cuddly pets here, and nothing will make us test our products on beings that deserve a right to live. Being that we use only 100% Natural ingredients there are no reasons for us to test on animals. One small hint is even if a company says that they do not test on animals and if their products contain synthetic ingredients, chances are they do. All synthetic ingredients get tested on animals to see whether they are carcinogens and toxic to our health.  Enjoy your stay with us, and our products as much as you enjoy living in a healthy atmosphere!
Ingredients are always fully disclosed…
Paraben Free
Alcohol & Chlorine Free
Petrochemical Free
GMO Free
Gluten Free
Fragrance Free
Formaldehyde Free
Pesticide Free
“We love to make women beautiful using the purest all natural products and ingredients.
Our goal is to bring beauty to everyone.”
Ariel + Leeona Emerald, Delizioso Skincare Founders
We are going to have a lot of fun tonight!  Join us at 6:30pm EST – bit.ly/JenInConvoDelizioso
 #SlayYourDay

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Remember to subscribe!  

We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab or shoot me an email at info@jenslay.com.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
http://ow.ly/ipjk30eUSXU
Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

 

Separate Fact from Fiction

Do you know someone or perhaps you yourself are the self-proclaimed victim of the absolute statements that our inner bullies love to say?  Bully statements include these words:  never, can’t, always, hate, wouldn’t, couldn’t.  Here’s the thing, if you say phrases such as “I never do anything right” or “I always mess up”, then your brain will start to believe you and you will more often than not fulfill what it is you are saying about yourself.  You are giving your inner bully power.

These types of absolute statements are simply what I call pieces of fiction because they simply are not true.  I will prove it to you.  Please grab a piece of paper.  Draw a line down the middle.  Now, think of the statement that you made, for example let’s use the statement “I always mess up.”  Think of the reasons/examples where you have in fact messed up (just so you know it is normal to mess up sometimes – it’s how we learn the greatest lessons) and write them down on one side of your paper.  Once you have done that, I now want you to think of a few examples where you have NOT messed up and write them on the other side of your paper.  If you can think of ONE thing, then you have already disproved your absolute statement and proven that it is in fact, fiction.

In doing this exercise did you find it easier and faster to think of the negative stuff before the positive stuff?  If you answered yes, don’t worry.  It’s normal.  Research and science will tell us that the way our brains work, we will remember the negative faster than we will remember the positive.  For this reason, it can take a little longer to pull out the positive, however, if we train our brains to think of the positive and concentrate on the positive (on the wins) more than the negatives/losses, the speed at which we think of our positive attributes will get faster.  If you need some help, maybe get the opinion of a trusted friend, colleague or family member.  The operative word here is TRUSTED.

Separating fact from fiction is one way that we Slay our Inner Bully.  We are going to talk about other ways to overcome that inner bully on Friday, January 12, 2018 at 11:30am EST.   You can watch live at www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

One more thing!

I need you to know that even though I suggest you focus on your wins it is so important to understand your losses.  We really cannot afford to dismiss them.  To understand why you did not succeed at something is important so that you can do better the next time.  This time of reflection is not to beat yourself up but more to learn and grow from the situation.

You got this!  #SlayYourDay

#SlayYourDay

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Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
http://ow.ly/ipjk30eUSXU
Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

 

Relationship 101

I’m never going to pretend to be a relationship expert in my own life.  My stories are so dramatic they would make great soap opera scripts.  However, I’m incredibly observant and objective when it comes to the relationships of others.  Interesting huh?  Actually, I was speaking to a doctor of psychology once about this very subject and he said, it is very common for those who teach to teach amazingly well but not use that same objectivity in their own lives.  Hmmmmmmm.  Interesting.

So you know me, I won’t take that as a definitive answer.  I just had to prove him wrong.  I can apply my skills with clients to myself if I am purposeful about it.    So I started to observe and scrutinize my own personal relationships and do a bit more observing of the relationships around me.  People, I’ve got to say, we all need to take a step back and RELAX.

Today I wanted to post a cute and funny video on facebook with my Top Ten Most Romantic Date ideas.  In posting that, I wanted to get a message across about how we treat one another in personal, intimate relationships.  I promise not to get too preachy, but this really has to be said.

I have observed friends, colleagues, fb acquaintances, family members, clients and even myself become utterly confused when it comes to relationships.  I’ve watched and experienced tears and pain from rejection, being taken advantage of and broken hearts.  Here’s the thing luvs, relationships really are not complicated if you go into it with three things – honesty, transparency, and kindness.  If you do what you’re supposed to do, and a time comes when you have to walk away, you can do so with a clear conscious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Too often, too many people see someone they want to get to know on an intimate level.  They have a preconceived idea of what that person is like and then they act accordingly to try to win favor with that person.  What if we all made the decision to just be ourselves.  What if we decided that if our personalities just are not good enough for the person we want to impress, then we simply move on?  What would happen if we did that?  I mean, isn’t it better than creating a back story for yourself and making yourself more than you actually are only to have to create a lie to support the lie later.  Eventually the truth is going to come out anyways, so why not be upfront and honest from the beginning.  There’s this old saying that says, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Here is where I’m at in life.  If you are going to enter someone’s life, make your impression honest and positive.  It’s simple and in this case EASY!  See here’s the thing, you do not know what mess or craziness has gone on in another person’s life.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE MADNESS!  I’m being so serious now.  In all you choose to do from here on out choose to be a contributor of positivity, honesty, transparency, and clarity.  Your past is the past you cannot change it.  You can, however, make a conscious decision on how to proceed right after reading this blog.  How?  BE YOURSELF.  If you are interested in someone because you think they have a lot to offer just tell them that.  If you are not interested in someone but you need something from them just tell them that.  I’m laughing right now because I recently had a situation where a guy tried to get romantically involved with me because I guess he thought if I was interested in him I’d help him out with something he needed.  First – I don’t appreciate that someone thought I could be bought that way – not cool.  Secondly, had he been honest I would have gladly helped him out.  I didn’t have an agenda when it came to him anyways – LOL.  In other words, don’t waste people’s time with fancy lines, false promises, and things you think they want to hear.  At this stage of life it’s a time robber and personally, my time is precious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Mother Theresa pic was a nice touch right?  LOL.  Ok, so many of you may be thinking I’m venting.  Well, I kind of am but not because I feel I’ve recently been hurt or anything, primarily because after observing these interactions of people in relationships for the last six-eight months – I’m talking seriously observing and taking notes – I am just really tired of seeing and reading about people getting hurt by one another.  I’m also not impressed with being approached by men who do not value the importance of honesty, transparency and clarity.  Here’s a personal example.  I am approached by someone and here is what I say:  I’M NOT DATING OR WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW.  I’M GOOD ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW.  I’M CONCENTRATING ON ME, MY KIDS AND BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.  See how easy honesty, clarity, and transparency can be?  So here is a clear example, if I say I don’t want to date, then don’t pursue me thinking I will change my mind.  You will be wasting your time AND your feelings might get hurt?  Not because I will hurt them, but because you have spent so much time trying to get me to change my mind with no luck.  Y’all know I love you but we have to listen to the words people say and take them at face value.

WHAT IF we decided that when we met someone we were straight honest with them and allowed them to make an informed decision as to whether or not they wanted to move forward with us? I know, a scary proposition right?  They may not like us if we show our true colors.  Here’s the thing – those colors are going to come out.  Yes, we are on our best behavior in the beginning of any new relationship, but we can be on our best behavior and still be honest.  If the person we want decides to stop things – then that’s cool. Out of the billions of people in this world, that one person is not going to make or break your world. It may hurt but you will get over it – trust me I know what I’m talking about. A friend of mine said to me – “If people could be honest with one another in the beginning of a relationship, and that person decides that even after hearing the intentions of their pursuer they want to carry on, then both people have clarity of what to expect and can’t accuse anyone of lying to them later”.  Ladies!  Men!  Listen to what is being told to you.  Don’t think you can change anyone.  Be purposeful in your actions and make informed decisions.  Basically, in the end, let’s try to be kind to one another and treat eachother with respect and love.  Sermon over  (mic drop).

Now that I have you thinking, let’s get to laughing.  Enjoy the video!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

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Word of the Day Wednesday – LOVE

Did you enjoy your day yesterday? February 14th is known as the day of love and so of course our Word of the Day Wednesday is LOVE!

Love:  An intense feeling of deep affection

Now, we all know about romantic love (or at least we’ve heard and watched it on every other movie Hollywood puts out there), and we know about the love for a child or a parent, BUT do you love the most important person in your life?  Do you love you?

This wise book has an excerpt that says “Love your neighbour as yourself”, meaning that we need to treat people the way we would treat ourselves and care about people the way we would care about ourselves. Can I be perfectly honest with you?  I think one of the major problems that we have here on this Earth today is that we are not loving ourselves and it is surely showing in how we treat others. I would argue that we are treating people as we treat ourselves. We have fallen out of love with the most important person in our lives – ourselves!

Some people would say that we have become a very  selfish Society.  Maybe even a very narcissistic Society.  But have you stopped to wonder why?  With people wanting to harm themselves because they didn’t get as much likes on facebook as the next person, there is something wrong!  Why does outside validation mean so much?  When are we going to be ok with self validation?  When?

Do me a favor and at least start to think about what I’m saying here.  Start to love yourself.  Take time for yourself, treat yourself kindly by saying and thinking positive things about yourself, get enough sleep, surround yourself with positive people – LOVE YOURSELF! You can do this, I believe you can. Do you?  Start with this – look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive.  Do it now.  Start that love thang and SLAY it with passion!

SLAY your day!  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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