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Choices

Choices!

How often have you heard the phrase “I had no choice!” from a friend, child, partner, co-worker or other person in your life when they relay a story to you about a major choice they had to make? Especially when they don’t like the outcome! How often might you have said “I had not choice” when you had to make a decision and the outcome is a lil tricky. Be honest now!

I am encouraging you to read what I am going to write VERY carefully and know, that the intent for what I am about to write is that I write it out of love for you and belief in your potential.

You always have a choice. ALWAYS. You may not be fond of the options but you have a choice.

When faced with decisions there are some of us who will face them head on. We’re like – bring it on! In the world of Extended DiSC (a behavioral assessment I use with my clients that helps them understand themselves more and learn how to more effectively communicate with others) we call these decisive, ready to take on any task the “D style” – Dominance.

What style are you?

Then there are those people who is perky and lively and wants to bring everyone in on the decision to make sure everyone’s voice is heard – these are the I style – the Influencers. They are often the life of a party.

The person who often seems calm, cool and collected and does not seem to break a sweat. That person who takes in the information and seems to take a long time to make a decision – they are the S – style. The S stands for Steadiness.

And then we’ve got our analytics. They have to look at EVERY every piece of data, read all the fine print, and want to ensure the decision is the right decision. These are our C style – which stands for Correctness.

Just a side note – knowing your behavior style can help increase your income, improve your relationships, and increase your success rate – just sayin.

No matter what your style (and most of us are a combination of two or three) we all have decisions that we have to make on a daily bases. Some decisions are small, some are huge, and most fall in between, but we make decisions as soon as we open our eyes from sleep – What will I wear? What will I eat for breakfast? Who will get the children off to school? Which route will I take to work/school? Do we partner with that business or not? Do I hire that contractor or not? Do I stay in this relationship? Do I move out of the city? What car should I buy? and the list goes on and on and on.

Some decisions will have a greater impact on our lives and the lives of those around us than others do but no matter what decision you make or the factors that you include in making your decision, I have three strategies that will be of support for you.

Weigh Your Options
  1. Weigh your options. Weigh ALL of your options. Even weigh the option of doing nothing because even choosing to not choose is a choice. When faced with a difficult decision or even just a major decision, it is always a good idea to weigh your options and it is for this reason that I never really liked the sales person who would tell me I had to make a decision right then and there or I would lose out on the opportunity they were presenting me with. Making decisions used to STRESS me out for this very reason. However, I have now adopted the mindset that if I cannot have a minimum of 24hrs to think about my options and determine what I want then that opportunity likely is not for me. Can you guess my behavior type? LOL Now when it comes to which ice cream flavor I’m going to choose – I can make a quick decision. However, when it comes to whether or not I want to invest in an $8000 water system – I’m going to take my time. That’s how I roll – we are all different. Taking the time to weigh your options to determine what is best for you will likely result in a decision you can comfortably live with.
  2. What is the outcome that you REALLY want and why? Ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself. Have you ever noticed that sometimes we think we want something and when we get it we wonder why we wanted it in the first place? In some instances we regret choosing the option we did because what we thought we wanted was not what we actually wanted? This strategy is really important because too many of us are walking around fooling ourselves instead of taking the time to ask the following: Do I want this specific outcome because it will make me look good? Do I want this specific outcome because it is the best thing for me/my business/my job/my child etc… and what makes it the best thing? Or do I want a specific outcome because the other options, well, they suck. No matter what your answer is, be honest with yourself. Think about this – if you get what you say you want what is that going to really look like? Weigh the positives and weigh the challenges. You got this – but be honest and determine why you want the outcome you want. Remember, there is nothing wrong with any answer you come up with as long as you are able to live with it – which leads us to strategy number 3.
  3. Take responsibility. Listen, we have to do a better job as a society of taking responsibility for the choices that we make. We often are basing our decisions on the actions/decision of other people and then when things do not work out as planned we blame that person. Funny story (funny now, not at the time). I can remember one summer when I was a teenager, I was in the eleventh grade, and I had the choice to go on a 6 week vacation to Jamaica with my family or go to BC on a school summer trip. If I went to Jamaica, I’d be up under my parents the whole time BUT it was Jamaica and I had a TON of cousins so you know that would be fun. If I stayed in Canada, I would have to spend half the summer in the small town I lived in and then the last two weeks of my parents’ vacation I would travel to British Columbia for a leadership camp. I did have the option to go to Jamaica and then fly to the camp alone BUT because my boyfriend at the time said to me that if I went away for the whole summer our relationship would basically be over I decided to not go away to Jamaica. Don’t judge me, I was 16 and in LOVE! haha Guess what happened? Well, I spent the summer in my small town, went on the school trip, and when I returned the relationship ended up ending anyways and my sister bragged about the AMAZING time she had. I was annoyed to say the least BUT I had a choice. Blame the boyfriend because if it was not for him I would have had a fabulous time in Jamaica too. OR own the fact that I made the decision to stay and even though things did not end up the way I had wanted them to, in the end it was my decision. Too often people who find themselves in these types of scenarios blame the other person – in this case my boyfriend – bc had he not given the ultimatum my choice would have been different. BUT I made that choice. So, I had to own it. No one else’s fault, it just is what it is. Own your choices.
Take responsibility and be free

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions. You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on Extended DiSC or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session with me. I’d love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Happy to the Core

Hey!

Yes you!

Have you noticed the new tag line/mantra/affirmation that is on most of my posts? It is what we, at Jennifer Slay Counselling and Coaching, have aspired to be – happy to the core. Not only that – we are wanting to touch 1000 lives this year with our happiness message.

We believe that if you are not currently happy, you are one decision away from it. Yes, there are many circumstances that can impede a person’s happiness, but once you make the decision that you will be happy, then it is a matter of creating a plan to achieve your goal. For some, that plan may involve a visit to their doctor to help balance out chemical imbalances in the brain, BUT for the most part, that plan will involve creating new habits by reprogramming the subconsciousness. Do you think this would be complicated? It’s not. It is rather simple really. What needs to happen are two things:

  1. Become aware of your situation
  2. Make a decision for change

If you are able to do those two things then you are half way to creating a level of happiness within that goes to the core – not surface. For a long time I was surface happy. I put a smile on my face and wanted everyone to think I was strong and capable. When my world crashed around me, I had to take stock of the choices I made in my life that put me in the situation I was in and then I had to make a decision to make different choices. That meant creating new habits and reprogramming my mind.

How?

Decide who do you want to be? Please keep in mind that you are an amazing and unique individual already. However, we ALL can strive to become the best version of ourselves. We then make a plan to become that better version of ourselves. Make the 30 Days of Happy part of your plan.

30 Days of Happy is an online course that takes minutes a day to complete. The goal – increase your happiness factor. What you get:

Development of new GOOD habits

Development of a growth mindset

New connections

MOVEMENT towards your goals

More fulfillment

Access to my team – the SLAY team

Want to learn more? Click here and then join the 30 Days of Happy Facebook group where we share inspirational posts, discuss gratitude, and have fun.

https://jen-slay.thinkific.com/courses/30daysofhappy

You got this! #Slay2019

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)


Would you like to book a complimentary 15min Discovery Call with me? Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “Discovery Call” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Taking my Own Advice.

So, last week was a great week. My team and I were on task to getting key projects done, I had made some great contacts, I won a speech contest and those are just a few of the highlights. It was truly an amazing week. HOWEVER, the week did not start out that way. Can we say FRUSTRATION?!

For those of you who do not know me, on Sundays I like to plan my week . I am a planner. I like to know where I’m going, who I’m meeting, how I’m getting there, purpose of the meeting etc… Basic things that I’m sure many of us can appreciate. I also enjoy great customer service when I am inquiring to possibly use or purchase something that you’re offering. Again, basic. So, on Monday and Tuesday I had to make some phone calls to a number of bigger companies to get some things in order. Have you tried calling big companies lately? The ones where there is no live person?

You know where this is going right?

Well, the first company I wanted to reach out to, before I could speak to anyone I had to create an account online to start an application for what I wanted. I followed the instructions. They said I had to confirm my email address so I input my email. I waited.

and waited…

No email received.

I tried again. But now, since I had already started an account I was told an account had been created using that email and therefore I had to go to my email to confirm my email address. BUT NO EMAIL EVER ARRIVED. So I say to myself, let me call them. I call, I get transferred to someone and the phone disconnects. I call again, and I must have dialed incorrectly because it was a different company all together. I call again and was placed on hold for 15min.

I hung up.

I decided, maybe I should stop focusing on that for a minute and do something else. I try to order some items for my business. MISTAKE. Website was acting up (it happens) and there was no number to call (at least I could not find one). Plus, because I was already feeling frustrated I knew I was likely missing something because I was seeing red. So I thought, Jen, do something else.

I had to call to arrange a service for my home. After being on hold for 20min a live person did answer the phone – HALLELUIAH! But then the phone promptly disconnected.

At this point my neck is stiff, my thoughts are not clear, and I want to scream.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

I then realized – WAIT A SECOND. I’m Jen Slay. I tell people to slay their day everyday. What the heck am I getting frustrated for (although you have to admit I had every right to get frustrated – just sayin)? I had to remember who I was and tell myself who I was – exactly what I suggest to anyone who will listen. I had to take a minute and stop the mounting anger that was building inside of me due to my frustration. Basically I did what I suggest to my clients all the time.

I stopped. I took a pause.

I took a moment and I focused on my breathing. I imagined everything going the way it was meant to go. I shifted my thinking and started to laugh. I purposely laughed (meaning I forced a laugh) until I started to really laugh. I walked away from the computer, called a friend, had a good laugh and breathed.

Then I started again.

Interestingly enough, everything ran smoothly after that.

Just another lesson that what we think about we will bring about. The more I was getting frustrated and thinking of the incompetence (I wasn’t thinking that word at the time but a child may be reading this and I don’t want to offend – lol) the more of it I was receiving. When I took a step back, relaxed, refocused and approached things more positively, the situation improved – DRASTICALLY.

Just goes to show that for all of us who are coaches and in the helping profession where we give the advice to refocus and take a breath – sometimes, we just have to take our own advice.

I thought I would share this with you because I am certain it will get a giggle from someone. If this post brightens your day in any way – then my job has been done for the day.

You got this. #SlayYourDay (and I mean it)

Jen

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)

Would you like to book a complimentary 15min Discovery Call with me? Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “Discovery Call” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

M.L.T. (not to be confused with B.L.T.)

Hello and how are you?!

It is January – AGAIN. 

I don’t know about you, but when my friends and I have the rare opportunity to sit and catch up on each other’s lives there is a 99.9% chance that one of us is going to say “My goodness time seems to go faster the older we get!”  The response is 99.99% of the time a resounding “Right?  This year is just flying by!”

Does that conversation look familiar to you?

The reality is that time is not flying any faster or slower than when we were children.  You’ve heard that saying Time stands still for no one?  It is true.  The main difference between when we were children and being an adult is that as children we seemed to always be waiting to grow up.  Growing up could not come fast enough and as adults we wish we could go back and tell ourselves as children to enjoy that time before the responsibilities start.  It is a funny conundrum.

The constant between us as a child and us as an adult is that we are always setting goals.  Admittedly, there is a difference in how we approach them, but we are always setting them.  Think about it.  It is true!  For example, my children will decide that they MUST get the next best toy out on the market.  They figure out what they have to do to get it and set out on a mission to get that toy until they have it.  Now, they tend to get the toy and play with the box it came in (argh!) but their mission to get what they want was clear and they tend to accomplish it right?!   Do you have a child or know a child that does this?  They make a decision to get something, then learn what they need to do to get it and finally take action to get it?  I am sure we all do.  The method that I just described is what I refer to as the MLT method.

I just want to say something about children though and their approach.  It reminds me of a verse in the bible from the book of Matthew where it basically talks about us adults having faith like a child.  I interpret this to mean that we need to believe wholeheartedly and enthusiastically in what we are doing.  If we approach a child, they have every belief that they will accomplish their goals.  It is us adults that have the doubt, distrust, and lack of faith.

Why is that?

Well, we come by it honestly.  Life can throw some curve balls at us and as humans, many of us have a tendency to revert back to our experiences when approaching a new goal, project, or relationship.  Am I right?

However, I am confident when I say that if we practice the M.L.T. method with the faith of a child, we will go much further in our lives.

Let’s delve a little deeper.

The “M” stands for – Make a decision

What do you want?  What is it that you really want?  Make a list.  Once this list is made, then attach a “why” to each want.  Next, ask yourself why do you want it?  What will change for you in your life if you get it/achieve it?  How will your life improve and the lives of those around you be impacted if you get/achieve what you want?

This list can be 20 items long if you want.  The goal here (no pun intended) is to make a list of everything you want in the short term and the long term with no prejudgment. 

Once you have made your list it is time to prioritize.  According to the authors of the 4 Disciplines of Execution, in order to accomplish your goals at a high level of excellence, they must be prioritized – or as they call them they must be Wildly Important Goals.

From the graphic you can see that if we try to accomplish more than 11 goals at one time, we won’t accomplish any of them with excellence.  If we aim for 4-10 at the same time we MAY accomplish 1-2 with excellence.  However, if we prioritize 2-3 goals that are extremely important to us we are more likely to accomplish those 2-3 goals.  So, I think it’s worth the time of prioritizing don’t you?

Once we have made the decision it’s time to go to the “L”.

L – Learn a new way

What resources do you need to accomplish your goal?  Do you need to go back to school?  Do you need a mentor?  Do you need a coach?  Books?  New mindset?  What is it that you need so that you can set yourself up for success?

One suggestion that I would give to you about success in achieving your goal is this:  If you are really serious about accomplishing your goal then you will need to be accountable to someone.

Here are some stats to think about:

The probability of completing a goal if:

  • You have an idea or a goal: 10%
  • You consciously decide you will do it: 25%
  • You decide when you will do it: 40%
  • You plan how you will do it: 50%
  • You commit to someone you will do it: 65%
  • You have a specific accountability appointment with a person you’ve committed to: 95%

Accountability is a key component to success.  It can be a trusted friend or colleague but ideally a coach. 

Finally we come to the “T” – Take Action

You now know what you want.  You have figured out how to get the resources to accomplish your goal.  Now it is action time.  Move forward.  As Steve Harvey has popularized – JUMP.  Take a chance and just go for it!  Here’s the thing to keep in mind.  Without going for our goals, or working towards achieving our goals and taking the necessary risks, we will never know what could have been.  The ONLY time we truly fail is when we do not take action and make an effort.  It was one of the greatest basketball players of all time, Michael Jordan, who said that we miss 100% of the shots that we never take.  He also said:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

If we want to succeed we have to take action.  This idea is worth repeating so I am going to ask you to recognize this – even if you do not achieve the outcome that you set out to get, you have not failed.  Take what you have learned and apply the lesson the next time around.  This is called progress.

Let me leave you with this:

Life is short but it is the longest thing you or I will ever do.  How do you choose to live?

You got this.

Slay the day. #Slay2019

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Hello!

I hope that you have had a great holiday season so far and that your New Year is filled with love, laughter, and good times.

As you reflect on the past year (as many of us do) I encourage you to dwell on what went well and learn from whatever obstacles you may have faced. Always remember that the challenges we face are opportunities for personal growth. It may not feel that way when we go through it BUT when we choose to view things with an open mind – ANYTHING is possible.

I am looking forward to interacting with you this year. A number of changes are coming and the opportunities to grow together are exciting. Looking forward to sharing with you soon.

In the meantime be safe, have fun, and please take time for YOU. This is how we Finesse our lives.

Believing in you,

Jennifer Slay

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker and therapist. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at www.jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  You totally got this!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

The “A” Word

So we are getting closer and closer to a New Year.  For those of you who set goals for the next year at the end of each year, how did you do last year?  I am asking honestly, not being a smart ass – promise.

Link for Picture can be found HERE

One of the messages I find going around about making resolutions is that we should stop making them.   

The definition of  resolution is:  the firm decision to do or not to do something.  Nothing really wrong with that is there?  Let’s take a look at the definition of a goal:  the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.  Hmmmmm, nothing really wrong with that either.  Setting resolutions and goals are good things don’t you think?  

Not to deflect but I came across this great website called www.thebestbrainpossible.com by Debbie Hampton and I completely encourage you to take a look.  She wrote an article about the pros and cons of goal setting that I recommend you read it AFTER you read this blog post of course – lol.  Here’s the link:  https://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/goals-mental-health-brain-habits/

There are many reasons why people discourage resolutions.  If you want to know about them just go to google and type in “reasons why resolutions are bad” and you will find hundreds of links.  However, I argue, and many would agree with me, that we should always be wanting to set goals for ourselves and if it happens to take place at the end of each year and you have titled them resolutions – well so be it.  See, it is not the act of setting goals and resolutions that’s the issue, the issue lies in the execution of these goals and resolutions.

This brings us to the “A” word – Accountability.

Research has shown that there are two factors that can effectively help people to achieve behavior change and they are incentives and accountability.  In fact, your rate of success can increase by 95% when you have an accountability partner that will actually hold you accountable.  95%!!!!  If we want to change our current state then getting an accountability partner may be a good first step.

For myself,  I like to consider myself a fun person. My passions are to teach, to encourage, and to support. In order to do these things successfully, I have found that being creative is the best way to reach people. So I will create videos, programs, and post fun memes etc…  I believe that when we can reach people and make a connection, we have the beginning of possibility. HOWEVER – this creativity of mine can land me into some trouble. Let me give you an example.

I can have a plan for what I am going to do for the day.  I have my to do list ready and I look at it in the morning with a plan of execution in mind.  One of the things on my to do list is to do some writing daily because I want to publish 2 books in 2019.  Now, I’m not sure if this happens to you, but when I sit and get quiet and alone in my ideas, creativity starts!  And let me tell you, I start writing out those ideas and get excited!  The problem is that what I am writing is not what is needed for the book.  Therefore, when I call my biz partner/accountability partner,  Jennifer Jimbere, she will politely but firmly say – “Jen, that’s great.  How’s the book coming?”.  This comment will quickly ground me and get me back on track.  What I have learned is that having creative ideas is great but what I attempt to do now (I say attempt because I am ALWAYS successful) I will write them down, park them, and continue with the task at hand.  Having an accountability partner helps me to get closer to accomplishing my goals.

What staying focused can do by having an accountability partner. Order your copy today!

As mentioned, there is nothing wrong with being creative. Often times it fuels our passions and makes life interesting, but when our creativity gets in the way of progress it truly helps to have an accountability partner to help move you forward.

Who is your accountability partner? Reach out to them and thank them for helping to keep you on track. If you do not have an accountability partner then check out this link and join me and Jennifer Jimbere on Monday mornings.  Click HERE for the link.  If you already know that you want to be part of a weekly accountability group then click HERE and I expect to see you on Monday.

https://www.facebook.com/ThriveExperts/photos/a.149104859070839/276258153022175/?type=3&theater

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker and therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennife to speak at your event, email at www.jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  You totally got this!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

SLAY Your Inner Bully – NOW!

Photo by Jasmina Photogrpahy. Graphic credit: Talented Mr. Salas

If you have been following me for a little bit then you would have heard me talk about, write about, and teach about how to Slay that Inner Bully that we all have.  However, some of you may not know what I mean when I say Slay Your Inner Bully  so I’m going to break it down.

Every single one of us on this earth, whether you are a multi-millionaire or of very meager means (or somewhere in between) have an inner voice.  This voice can encourage us, correct us, and it can motivate us to do things we only dreamed of doing.  However, if not managed correctly, this voice can kill our spirit.  What I mean is that this voice has the ability to remind us of all of our mistakes, to tell us that we are not enough, and to allow us to be comfortable living in fear or worse, it will encourage us to live within our comfort zone.

Photo credit/address link click HERE

I like to read and I love to people watch.  When I do this it allows me to study human behavior.  This has helped me to do effective work with clients whether they are seeing me for therapy or for coaching.  What I have observed over and over again, is that people’s lack of awareness of self combined with the mismanagement of their inner critic (inner bully) feeds the insecurities that we have and prevents us from living our life in abundance.  When I say abundance I mean being happy to the core.

For those of you who do not know, I went through a really low period in my life.  As I was going through it, my support team was surprised but happy that my outlook was that I would get through it because so often when people are depressed they do not have that hope to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  But I did.  I vowed that as I spent time to heal, I would spend the rest of my life helping others learn the strategies needed to move past their obstacles and live an abundant life.   That feeling of hopelessness does not have to be your reality.  There are ways to get past it.

Soooooooooooooo, you should know that I am a problem solver.  If I do not see a solution I will figure out how to create a solution.  And that is exactly what I did when it comes to slaying that inner bully.  For those of you who want to learn these strategies too, I’m going to suggest you do two things:

  1.  Watch the video above.  If you already have then you’ve already started to invest in you!  AWESOME!  You will agree with me that the video is fun, it’s quick, and it’s full of some great tips.  If you missed it, Click HERE  (Please subscribe to the youtube channel for more great videos in 2019):  
  2.   Consider joining me and my biz partner, Jennifer Jimbere, for the next round of the Slay Your Inner Bully  course.  You will join other powerful people who want to slay their inner bully and together we will work together for 6 weeks – weekly online class, encouraging emails, one on one access with the Thrive Experts, a supportive group and lots of learning and fun.                                                                      Click the link here to join us January 8th: https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/   (Please note that all classes are recorded so if you cannot make it live, the link will be sent to you and you can still participate in a meaningful way).

One of the ways to thrive in your life is to take time to invest in yourself.  Invest your time and resources into always making you the best you that you can be (I think i got that from Dr. Seuss).  

You totally got this and remember #SlayYourDay.

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  You got this!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Let’s Get Our Happiness On!

We have talked about  doing a self audit earlier this week
(see Dec. 10, 2018 post) and I promised to offer up strategies and tools to help accomplish a great personal audit. Well today, let’s do a happiness audit shall we?

Photo by Jasmina Photography

Happiness is a subjective emotion wouldn’t you think? I mean, what makes me happy will not necessarily make you happy. However, in order for us all to be on the same page with what I mean when I use the word happy let’s work from the same definition.  

The best definition that I have come by was written by Rubin Khoddam Ph.D who wrote:

Research in the field of positive psychology and happiness often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

Basically a happy person will experience both positive and negative emotions but the frequency of the experience of positive emotions is more than the experience of negative emotions.  Make sense?

So how do we do an audit? How do we test how happy we actually are?

Photo credit:  Tanneisha McDonald

In my pursuit to find answers to these questions I came across a psychologist named Barbara L. Fredrickson. She studies the science of Positive Psychology and the pursuit of happiness. She and her team have developed the happiness test.  Click this link to try it out:  https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/…/

This test will help to measure your personal happiness and provide you with suggestions on how to improve your score (assuming it needs improving).

Try it out! You may be surprised by the result. Remember, becoming aware of your current state is the best way to improve your current state.

For those of you who may be struggling with the concept of being happy to the core, it may be because of that inner voice that I call the inner bully.  The inner bully can really feed us a load of crap that we, more often than not, will believe.  It will tell us what we can and cannot do while reminding us of all the things we have ever done wrong in life – sound familiar?  If you are having some difficulty managing that inner bully or as I like to say SLAYING that inner bully then you are in luck!  Check out this link:  https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/ and join me and my partner in crime, Jennifer Jimbere, as we help you to learn the skills and strategies to slay that inner bully.  

https://thrivexperts.com/slay-your-inner-bully/

If you have questions there are almost a dozen ways to reach me – check it out below.

Oh – and don’t forget #SlayYourDay. You got this!

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email her atinfo@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

websites:  www.jenslay.com                                                                   www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Why Re-invent the Wheel?

Image of Wheel link address

Have you ever been in a creative mood or you found yourself brainstorming with a group of people and after some time someone says “Let’s not reinvent the wheel”? Typically people say this when they have spent a significant period of time trying to create something that is unique and fresh instead of building on what has already been done. Reinventing the wheel is often considered to be a time stealer and a frustration enhancer.

I have spent my career working with people to help them improve their current state. I have always been curious as to what makes a person tick. The study of human behavior is my drug! However, my curiosity in observation and analyzing has helped me to navigate through my own life and also be more empathetic to others. It has also helped me to realize my purose – to help people find their inner happiness or what I like to call core happiness. I essentially help people to fall in love with their life using tools they did not know they had!

But let’s get back to the matter at hand.

Today I want to focus on psychologist, Abraham Maslow. Some of you may have heard about him in school. He is the psychologist that proposed the theory of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Essentially, Maslow theorized that humans needed to meet specific base needs in order to self-actualize (to realize their full potential and pursue it). 

Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs

Maslow initially suggested that in order to achieve the top need, all of the needs before it (below it) needed to be met. For example, in order to achieve the need of safety the physiological needs had to be met. To meet the need of love/belonging, the safety needs had to be met and so on and so forth. Other researchers and scientists have argued that these levels are continuously overlapping each other and therefore the level preceding does not actually have to be fully met to reach the next level. I tend to agree with that argument.

Where am I going with this?

If we take a look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and reflect on our own lives to become aware of how we are doing at each of the levels, what results might come up for you? If we became aware of our innate needs and created a plan to have our needs sufficiently (or abundantly) met, how might our lives look different? Instead of reinventing the wheel to figure out what the meaning of life/happiness is and how we can continually motivate ourselves to meet our full potential, why not build off of what has already been theorized? The act of reflection of our lives is like taking an audit – an examination of how we are doing. In this fast paced world we can easily get lost in the hustle and bustle and not take that needed time to reflect and take the necessary steps to take care of our basic needs.

Take a look at where you fair on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as part of your daily/weekly personal audit. If there are areas you think that could use some work then I encourage you to start there. Are you thinking – how do you take an audit of your life? Let’s start somewhere simple – take a minimum of 5min per day to be still and do nothing. During this 5 min, I encourage you to allow whatever thoughts are on your mind to run through your mind and BE STILL. Start the meditation with 3 things you are grateful and end it with 3 things you are grateful for. This allows you to get into a positive frame of mind and allows you to put perspective on whatever you are going through.

Photo credit:  Stacey Koudys

Come back for more tips and strategies on how to do a personal audit. If you are in need of support, reach out and contact me at the number below and we can schedule a chat. You have all of the basic tools you need to succeed – but a little support never hurt anyone.

If you know that you want to be a part of a group of people who are looking to live life slaying the obstacles that come their way make sure to subscribe to this blog and like my fb pages (see below).

Oh – and don’t forget #SlayYourDay. You got this!

Photo credit:  Jasmina Photography

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email her at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@thrivexperts.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com                                                                                      www.thrivexperts.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography

Want to Thrive?

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!!

Jen Slay (me) wants to introduce an event for you to enhance your thriving abilities!

Introducing The Thrive Academy: a new way to Thrive!

“According to research, the two factors that effectively help people achieve the behavior change they desire are incentives and accountability.” ~ The Mission Podcasts

For those of you who were not aware, I have a sister company called Thrive Experts.  The focus is to help individuals and businesses thrive in their current situations – despite their current conditions.  Over my time as a counselor, a coach and now as a Thrive Expert, I have heard hundreds of excuses (reasons) for why goals have not been met.  Th most common complaints have been:

I have no time.

I can’t afford it.

I don’t know how.

I am missing the support I need to ____.

I am stuck.

Have you ever said any of these? Odds are you have.  Don’t worry though – you are not alone.  I have said some of these statements myself!

However, if you know me then you know I am a woman who will find a solution to the problem.  The solution is The Thrive Academy.

With an investment of $25 per week and 30 minutes of your time per week, the Thrive Experts will provide you with weekly educational strategy sessions and accountability partners that will help move you forward and get results.

Cool right?

It is time to focus on the right tasks whether in business, relationships, finances or life in general.

The Thrive Academy is your solution.

The time is now.

Join us EVERY Monday at 8 AM EST beginning Nov 5, 2018.

Recordings Available on demand to paid participants.

Take action. Secure your spot. Click here. > https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr

Operate above the line.

Live Life Better Than Good.

P.S. Please share this with your contacts, someone needs to hear this today.