Slay Talk

Use your O.A.R.S.!

Have you ever felt like you are on a hamster wheel going around and around but not getting anywhere?

A few years ago I went on a missions trip to Guatemala – what an amazing experience!  One of the activities that we did on our down time was to go kayaking on the lake.  Nothing I can say to you can describe the beauty of sitting in a kayak on that lake.  The water was a deep blue, it was calm, and the surface sparkled like diamonds from the rays of the morning sun.  It was gorgeous!  One morning, myself and a few of the other ladies decided to go kayaking.  We had an oar(s) we had to use in order to move us through the water.  Kayaking looks easy but for a beginner – takes practice.  So in theory you dip the oar in the water and let the flat part go pushing through the water and you then do the same with the other side.  Sounds easy right?  Not so much.  I would do my version of what the ladies told me to do but I would end up going in the opposite direction OR the kayak would go in circles OR the kayak would threaten to capsize.  Funny to think about now, but at the time I was a little bit scared because the group was going one way,   I was going the other and the lake was soooooooo big.  ALSO you had to be careful of the strength of the waves that pushed the kayak from boats motoring by.  ALSO you had to be careful of the boats themselves!

So much could go wrong!

But I stopped, took a breath, smiled and carried on.  I reset.  In order to kayak successfully I had to learn to effectively use a vital tool – I had to use my Oars.

To be happy requires the same mindset.  Many people will try things over and over again to be happy to their core.  To obtain that inner peace.  To be hopeful even in the face of a huge storm. To bounce back from adversity and be truly happy.  How do we achieve this?  Using O.A.R.S.  Get your pens out – you are going to want to write this down.  If you know me well, you know I got an acronym for you!

O – observe.  What is the current state of affairs.  Where are you at?  Look at your history – have you been here before?  Notice any patterns?  Take stock of what’s going on.

A – assess.  Let’s make meaning of what we’ve observed.  What’s our role?  What’s our level of awareness?  Become a student of yourself – assess and make meaning.  We have a number of tools we refer our clients to use during this phase  – VIA Strengths Survey, Clifton Strength Finder and Extended DiSC.

R – reprogram.  Did you know that this was possible?  The way we think and behave today does not have to be the way we think and behave tomorrow if those patterns are not serving us well.  Our subconsciousness drives our consciousness.  We often do things over and over without thinking because it’s part of our mental programming.  It can be reprogrammed.  It takes some decisions and increase our awareness level BUT if we pay attention to what we read, what we watch, what we listen to, who we hang around and how we think – we can reprogram our minds.

S – step into action.  Create and execute a plan.  Often times this requires a coach, mentor, teacher to help guide and support.  But just think, remember back to the kayak story – with information, support, guidance, and practice we start moving in the direction we want to go.

When we take the time to observe our current state, assess our situation, reprogram our thinking and step into action – we use our mental OARS to guide us in the direction we want to go.

You got this.

#SlayYourDay

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

Breaking Up – True Story

Being vulnerable is difficult but it is also healing.  This blog post is extra special for me because it is me being vulnerable and is part of my healing process.  If you are going through a difficult time, I hope this blog post is helpful for you.

Have you ever gone through a break-up?  It can be soul crushing can’t it?  Even the happiest and most grounded people find break-ups to feel like torture.  In fact, I think I would rather be tortured by an 8yr old sticking their finger 1 inch from my face and saying “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” than go through a break up.  But alas, most of us, if not all of us, have experienced the end of a relationship – platonic or intimate at some point in our lives.  It can be like going through battle right?

Let me tell you a story.

Last June I met a man who I thought was the love of my life.  I have to preface this with I have met a number of “loves of my life” throughout my life because I’m a woman who loves to be in love.   Maybe it’s a Jennifer thing?

Image result for jennifer lopez

(J-Lo if you see this then just laugh with me – don’t sue me!  We have to be able to laugh at ourselves right?!?!?!?!  Truly I love your work!  haha)

Anyways, this seemed different.  I will admit that I have been in a few potential relationships after my divorce and I have become very attuned to some of the red flags:

  • no job/career
  • poor relationship skills with others
  • unforgiving
  • gossipy
  • negative mindset

So my “love of my life” was ambitious, had great loving lasting relationshps with children and friends, very forgiving, spiritual, positive – he was “the one’  – until he wasn’t.

We talked daily multiple times a day and then, after a few months things started to change.  Over time the texts and calls became fewer in number to the point of days going by.  In an effort to keep the lines of communication open I asked if all was well.  Same response everytime – “Just really busy.  Being pulled in many directions.”

Now there is no one in the world that is so busy they can’t take 5 seconds to say hey, I’m thinking about you.  So eventually things got to a point where a decision had to be made and things ended.

I cried – not a few well placed tears strolling down my cheeks like we see in the movies.  I’m talking big tears, groans and wails, laying in bed for hours/days!  I’m a feeling person people,  what can I say?  But the worst of it was that I was confused.  I did not know what happened.

My friends checked in on me.  My parents checked in on me.  My sister checked in on me.  Why you may ask?  I am sure one of the reasons was because they loved me but also because they KNEW this love of my life was THE love of my life.  lol.  I can laugh about it now, but you know what?  It hurt like hell.  Proud to say I got through it.  One of the main reasons was because I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel in order to let go of the idea and vision I had for my future with that particular person.  Although I missed him and did truly care for him, it was the vision I had for our future that was difficult to get over.  I now realize that the vision does not have to be gone but just the characters will have to change.

So, how do we move forward when we experience a major setback?  If we remember the word G.R.A.B. – it will help you to remember these things:

  • GRIEVE!  Burying your feelings prolongs the process – feel what you need to feel.  Cry, scream, sleep, talk ,do what you need to do to feel and process your emotions.
  • RECEIVE SUPPORT.  Don’t do it alone.  Gather up your tribe.  I was so embarrassed when I had to tell my friends and family of the breakup.  Remember what I wrote above – this was THE ONE!  What my support peeps taught me was that there was absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.  Relationships are risks and to be experienced.  If they do not work out, take the lesson and move forward.  My family and friends were so supportive and understanding.  People who matter don’t care and people who care don’t matter.  Sometimes sadness can feel so unbearable that we need a professional to help guide and support.  Seeing a counsellor is a strength.  Sometimes it is necessary to seek the neutrality and clarity a neutral third party professional can give.  There is no shame in taking care of yourself!
  • ACCEPT, become AWARE, and ALLOW yourself to have an open mind.  What part did you play in the situation?  What can you build on and invest in to become better?  Allow yourself to have an open mind to new ideas and ways to move forward.  Remember – take care of yourself!  Journal – write about your feelings.  I wrote a letter to him – didn’t send it but wrote a letter and the release was HUGE.
  • BE grateful.  Find the joy and find the silver lining.  Gratefulness is to our lives as oxygen is to our bodies.  Always, remember, that in everything we do, ensure to remember to do things you enjoy – shop (within reason), travel, hang out with friends and family but do not be afraid to be alone and enjoy your own company.  Also remain hopeful.  You will love again.  You will gain another friendship or strengthen existing ones.  Sometimes saying goodbye allows you the freedom to say hello (that’s tweetable – go to it peeps!)

Be proud of yourself for doing what you need to do.

 

You got this!

#SlayYourDay

 

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

Vision

Why do the most successful people encourage us to envision what we want?  Hmmmmm?

It’s because thoughts are things.  They create and shape our lives through influencing our subconscious which then influences our behavior.

When we think of something over and over again, we are meditating on it.  When we meditate on a thought our brains seek out opportunities to make the thought a reality,  When we physically visualize that which we think about, research shows there is an increased 65% chance of it becoming a reality.

Amazing right?

So how can we most effectively visualize?  How can we effectively make our thoughts a reality in our lives?  The answer is to bring in as many sensory feelings as you possibly can.

  1.  See it.  Draw it.  Put it on a vision board.  I am living proof that this works!  I have had a picture of a certain car I wanted.  When my last car finally died, I was left in a situation where I had to purchase a new one.  My mechanic showed me the vehicles that he had available and guess what?  The vehicle I wanted was right there!  BUT – and here is the kicker – I didn’t realize it until after I bought it.  Let me explain.  I look at my vision board so often that it has become like a piece of furniture in my house.  I don’t really pay attention to it – I’m just being real y’all.  However, after I bought my vehicle I looked at my vision board and realized – OMG – that was the car I wanted.  The make and model were different but it was the style of vehicle.  My thoughts help me to manifest my car.  It may not happen immediately – but it will happen.                                                                             
  2. Hear it.  When you achieve it what will you say to self?  What do you imagine other people will say to you?  Think about the messages you hear while you’re on the journey – the more encouragement or even discouragement – the closer you are.  Often times our wise mentors, friends, or family will tell us during the most difficult times that the storm will come before the calm.  This is often true.  When you have a number of naysayers chirping in your ear – it’s sign that you are close to your break through.  When you have a number of people suddenly jumping on your bandwagon, it likely means – you are close to your break through.  It is all perception.  You totally got this.  Go for it!                                                                                                                             
  3. Taste it.  Not literally but figuratively.  You know when you think of a favorite food – chocolate cheese cake for example – and you think so hard that you can taste it without actually tasting it?  Think about what you want so hard that you can figuratively taste it.  I remember having a conversation with my middle son Kobey about baseball.  He will tell anyone who listens that he is going to be a professional baseball player.  He trains for it, dreams about it, talks about it ALL THE TIME.  Anyways, we were talking about his baseball team and he said to me – “Mom, right now my team sucks.  We do well in practice but when it comes down to it we do not follow through in the game.  We have the second worst record in the league mom.”  So me thinking – this is a teachable moment – I said to him that he needs to encourage his team, he needs to play his best game and he has to believe that the team can win.  He asked me if that would really work.  I encouraged him to try it.  He did.  He was vocal with his team mates and when they made a mistake he encouraged them.  He kept training and practicing.  Guess what happened?  The team came together and they won the freakin’ championship.  NOW – was it because of Kobey?  Maybe, maybe not.  But his belief and ability to “taste” the victory certainly helped.  Try it – let me know how it goes!                                                                                                                                               
  4. Feel it – you did it!  What does that feel like?  Happy?  Excited?  Proud?  Overwhelmed with emotion?  Thankful?  Imagine what you feel and multiply that feeling.  Make it intense.  The brain will find opportunities to try to replicate the feeling.  As a little girl, I imagined what my wedding would be like.  I imagined how happy and joyous of an occasion it would be.  When I would think about it, I imagined people happy, dancing, laughing, and really just having a great time.  My wedding was one of the best parties I have ever been to!  For years I “felt” what the experience of my wedding day would be like and it became a reality.  Now, the marriage was a complete different story (but that is a blog for another day) – haha.  Feel the emotions and watch them become a reality.                                                                                                                                                                           

Remember this –

  1. Worry is a negative form of meditation.  The more you worry the bigger you are allowing the situation to become.  I heard this quote recently – where your focus goes your energy flows.
  2. What you think about you bring about.  Make it good people!!
  3. Taking the time to envision what you want by bringing in multiple senses is a positive form of meditation.

You got this!

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

You Got This!

It’s Back…

Hello! Bonjour! Ola! Bonjourno!

I’m so excited to tell you that the Slay Your Inner Bully 6 week Intensive is BACK!!!

photo credit: www.instagram.com/life2photography/

We have had some AMAZING testimonials about this program. But don’t take my word for it – check this out:

I invested a lot of my time in my self-growth where I had the honour of meeting some inspiring individuals along the way. With each person, I was able to apply what I have learned into my daily routine. Jennifer Slay; an inspiration to my mind, heart and soul is one of these people. Slay has shown me I am capable of enhancing my self-growth to a much higher level. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to experience the SYIB workshop. The workshop has taught me to observe deeper into my thoughts and has given me answers I have been searching for quite some time. Thank you Slay for inventing SYIB. SYIB has been a well deserving experience for me.

Crystal Laviolette -SYIB Participant

“Live life better than good!”, is a saying that I am now endeavoring to be part of my life since taking, “Slay Your Inner Bully” course. Within 8 weeks I have seen drastic changes in my thought process and how I handle those negative voices in my own mind. This series is insightful, encouraging and uplifting. While learning to be free to be the best version of yourself, you also have two incredible people guiding you through to a place where you can become more independent and “flip the script” in your mind automatically. Please take this course. You will not regret it!

Saidat – Children’s Entertainer

What is the Slay Your Inner Bully 6 week intensive? I am so glad you asked.

We all have this inner critic – I call it the inner bully – that tries to minimize our successes, or prevent us from taking risks, or puts us down so that our self-esteem is low. It can be VERY destructive.  But guess what, it can be very useful too depending on your perspective. See, if you are able to manage that bully, you can use it to propel you forward. Many people say to me that they wish they could control the bully but they just don’t know how. Well, that’s why we have the Slay Your Inner Bully course. It teaches you how to manage that bully and lead the life of your dreams!

This group is specifically for individuals who are serious about creating positive change and quieting the negative inner voice that shows up when they need to take action.


What we will talk about in this group is:
• How to do a Self-Audit (you have to know where you are to know how to move forward)
• The Mind and the Art of Effective Communication
• All About Me (You)
• Eliminating Toxins and Implementing Strategy
• Social Awareness, Relationships, & Communication
• Relationship Management and Putting it All Together

Please go to the link to find out more! This is one investment that will last a lifetime.

Join us on June 12, 2019 at 7:30pm EST and take the steps you need to create positive change in your life

RIGHT NOW!

https://jenslay.com/slay-your-inner-bully/

 

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.


Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

Understand this…

I saw a post the other day encouraging men to leave good women alone if their intentions were not honest and forthcoming because they are damaging good women for the good guys that are out there.

I thought this was interesting.

Initially my reaction was AMEN! But then I got to thinking. I truly believe we are all inherently good but life experiences, genetics and our choices lead us to create habits which then result in patterns.  These patterns are not always so great.   It is really hard for me to believe that people consciously make the choice to want to hurt someone else. That would be evil right? However, as mentioned, life experience can trigger feelings and emotions which lead us to make certain choices that may not be all that nice.

If we understand a few things about people, it will help us in our journey of life:

1. People (we) will ultimately make the choice for self-preservation. Our initial gut reaction will more than likely always be to protect ourselves. This is not being selfish, it is being smart. I just did some travelling and before takeoff the passengers were told that in case of emergency resulting in the cabin pressure dropping, we were to put our masks on first before helping the person next to us. The reason is because if we are busy trying to help someone else before we help ourselves, we may be negatively impacted (faint or worse). BUT if we help ourselves then we will be able to help others effectively. I will write that again – If we help ourselves first then we will be able to effectively help others.  Know that sometimes when people make choices that impact you – it had nothing to do with you but something they had to do for themselves.

2. We will get hurt in life. This is a given. We are social beings and made to be in relationship with other people. Since none of us are perfect we are going to mess up sometimes. There will be times when those mess ups negatively impact other people. Therefore, it is safe to say that due to our own choices and sometimes the choices of others – we will get hurt at some point. I have had failed relationships and I have been hurt and I have said that I will never allow myself to get into that situation again where someone can hurt me. Guess what? I did and I have and I will again. This was the wrong way to think in my opinion. Meeting someone, being vulnerable and being all in is a GOOD thing. However, until you are ready to do that – be all in – it is probably best you not be in a relationship. Taking time to heal requires discipline and focus. Do not be surprised that when you decide to be alone the Universe tests your decision and sends someone that seems perfect to you just to test your conviction. It’s true!

3. Things will get better – if you believe they will be. When we are in the midst of the whirlwind (hurt) it can feel like life will never get better. Times like these – don’t trust your feelings. It is more likely that things will get better if you want them to get better. A few ways to help the process is to:
a.) Seek professional support – a therapist, a good friend, a support group – do what you need to do to get the support that you need.
b.) Move beyond what happened the last time. We can sometimes get stuck in the past and make the people in our lives now pay for what someone did in your past. OR sometimes we get so stuck in some of the poor choices we have made that we do not forgive ourselves and allow ourselves to move forward in life. What has happened has happened. Nothing you can do about it but move forward. Choose how you want your future to look and do what you need to do to get there.
c.) Beware of getting stuck in a habitual patter of dysfunction. Please remember the definition of insanity – doing the same thing/making the same choices over and over again expecting a different result. If you want something different DO something different.  Getting comfortable in the dysfunction is a great way to live a rather unhappy and unfulfilling life.  Step out of that comfort zone!  You can do this!

We have heard the cliche – life is a journey.   We choose how to experience it.  Understand this – life has it’s ups, it’s downs, it’s twists and turns but ultimately it can be super exciting or long and dreary. It is truly your choice.

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.


Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com