Use your O.A.R.S.!

Have you ever felt like you are on a hamster wheel going around and around but not getting anywhere?

A few years ago I went on a missions trip to Guatemala – what an amazing experience!  One of the activities that we did on our down time was to go kayaking on the lake.  Nothing I can say to you can describe the beauty of sitting in a kayak on that lake.  The water was a deep blue, it was calm, and the surface sparkled like diamonds from the rays of the morning sun.  It was gorgeous!  One morning, myself and a few of the other ladies decided to go kayaking.  We had an oar(s) we had to use in order to move us through the water.  Kayaking looks easy but for a beginner – takes practice.  So in theory you dip the oar in the water and let the flat part go pushing through the water and you then do the same with the other side.  Sounds easy right?  Not so much.  I would do my version of what the ladies told me to do but I would end up going in the opposite direction OR the kayak would go in circles OR the kayak would threaten to capsize.  Funny to think about now, but at the time I was a little bit scared because the group was going one way,   I was going the other and the lake was soooooooo big.  ALSO you had to be careful of the strength of the waves that pushed the kayak from boats motoring by.  ALSO you had to be careful of the boats themselves!

So much could go wrong!

But I stopped, took a breath, smiled and carried on.  I reset.  In order to kayak successfully I had to learn to effectively use a vital tool – I had to use my Oars.

To be happy requires the same mindset.  Many people will try things over and over again to be happy to their core.  To obtain that inner peace.  To be hopeful even in the face of a huge storm. To bounce back from adversity and be truly happy.  How do we achieve this?  Using O.A.R.S.  Get your pens out – you are going to want to write this down.  If you know me well, you know I got an acronym for you!

O – observe.  What is the current state of affairs.  Where are you at?  Look at your history – have you been here before?  Notice any patterns?  Take stock of what’s going on.

A – assess.  Let’s make meaning of what we’ve observed.  What’s our role?  What’s our level of awareness?  Become a student of yourself – assess and make meaning.  We have a number of tools we refer our clients to use during this phase  – VIA Strengths Survey, Clifton Strength Finder and Extended DiSC.

R – reprogram.  Did you know that this was possible?  The way we think and behave today does not have to be the way we think and behave tomorrow if those patterns are not serving us well.  Our subconsciousness drives our consciousness.  We often do things over and over without thinking because it’s part of our mental programming.  It can be reprogrammed.  It takes some decisions and increase our awareness level BUT if we pay attention to what we read, what we watch, what we listen to, who we hang around and how we think – we can reprogram our minds.

S – step into action.  Create and execute a plan.  Often times this requires a coach, mentor, teacher to help guide and support.  But just think, remember back to the kayak story – with information, support, guidance, and practice we start moving in the direction we want to go.

When we take the time to observe our current state, assess our situation, reprogram our thinking and step into action – we use our mental OARS to guide us in the direction we want to go.

You got this.

#SlayYourDay

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

Breaking Up – True Story

Being vulnerable is difficult but it is also healing.  This blog post is extra special for me because it is me being vulnerable and is part of my healing process.  If you are going through a difficult time, I hope this blog post is helpful for you.

Have you ever gone through a break-up?  It can be soul crushing can’t it?  Even the happiest and most grounded people find break-ups to feel like torture.  In fact, I think I would rather be tortured by an 8yr old sticking their finger 1 inch from my face and saying “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” than go through a break up.  But alas, most of us, if not all of us, have experienced the end of a relationship – platonic or intimate at some point in our lives.  It can be like going through battle right?

Let me tell you a story.

Last June I met a man who I thought was the love of my life.  I have to preface this with I have met a number of “loves of my life” throughout my life because I’m a woman who loves to be in love.   Maybe it’s a Jennifer thing?

Image result for jennifer lopez

(J-Lo if you see this then just laugh with me – don’t sue me!  We have to be able to laugh at ourselves right?!?!?!?!  Truly I love your work!  haha)

Anyways, this seemed different.  I will admit that I have been in a few potential relationships after my divorce and I have become very attuned to some of the red flags:

  • no job/career
  • poor relationship skills with others
  • unforgiving
  • gossipy
  • negative mindset

So my “love of my life” was ambitious, had great loving lasting relationshps with children and friends, very forgiving, spiritual, positive – he was “the one’  – until he wasn’t.

We talked daily multiple times a day and then, after a few months things started to change.  Over time the texts and calls became fewer in number to the point of days going by.  In an effort to keep the lines of communication open I asked if all was well.  Same response everytime – “Just really busy.  Being pulled in many directions.”

Now there is no one in the world that is so busy they can’t take 5 seconds to say hey, I’m thinking about you.  So eventually things got to a point where a decision had to be made and things ended.

I cried – not a few well placed tears strolling down my cheeks like we see in the movies.  I’m talking big tears, groans and wails, laying in bed for hours/days!  I’m a feeling person people,  what can I say?  But the worst of it was that I was confused.  I did not know what happened.

My friends checked in on me.  My parents checked in on me.  My sister checked in on me.  Why you may ask?  I am sure one of the reasons was because they loved me but also because they KNEW this love of my life was THE love of my life.  lol.  I can laugh about it now, but you know what?  It hurt like hell.  Proud to say I got through it.  One of the main reasons was because I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel in order to let go of the idea and vision I had for my future with that particular person.  Although I missed him and did truly care for him, it was the vision I had for our future that was difficult to get over.  I now realize that the vision does not have to be gone but just the characters will have to change.

So, how do we move forward when we experience a major setback?  If we remember the word G.R.A.B. – it will help you to remember these things:

  • GRIEVE!  Burying your feelings prolongs the process – feel what you need to feel.  Cry, scream, sleep, talk ,do what you need to do to feel and process your emotions.
  • RECEIVE SUPPORT.  Don’t do it alone.  Gather up your tribe.  I was so embarrassed when I had to tell my friends and family of the breakup.  Remember what I wrote above – this was THE ONE!  What my support peeps taught me was that there was absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.  Relationships are risks and to be experienced.  If they do not work out, take the lesson and move forward.  My family and friends were so supportive and understanding.  People who matter don’t care and people who care don’t matter.  Sometimes sadness can feel so unbearable that we need a professional to help guide and support.  Seeing a counsellor is a strength.  Sometimes it is necessary to seek the neutrality and clarity a neutral third party professional can give.  There is no shame in taking care of yourself!
  • ACCEPT, become AWARE, and ALLOW yourself to have an open mind.  What part did you play in the situation?  What can you build on and invest in to become better?  Allow yourself to have an open mind to new ideas and ways to move forward.  Remember – take care of yourself!  Journal – write about your feelings.  I wrote a letter to him – didn’t send it but wrote a letter and the release was HUGE.
  • BE grateful.  Find the joy and find the silver lining.  Gratefulness is to our lives as oxygen is to our bodies.  Always, remember, that in everything we do, ensure to remember to do things you enjoy – shop (within reason), travel, hang out with friends and family but do not be afraid to be alone and enjoy your own company.  Also remain hopeful.  You will love again.  You will gain another friendship or strengthen existing ones.  Sometimes saying goodbye allows you the freedom to say hello (that’s tweetable – go to it peeps!)

Be proud of yourself for doing what you need to do.

 

You got this!

#SlayYourDay

 

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

Vision

Why do the most successful people encourage us to envision what we want?  Hmmmmm?

It’s because thoughts are things.  They create and shape our lives through influencing our subconscious which then influences our behavior.

When we think of something over and over again, we are meditating on it.  When we meditate on a thought our brains seek out opportunities to make the thought a reality,  When we physically visualize that which we think about, research shows there is an increased 65% chance of it becoming a reality.

Amazing right?

So how can we most effectively visualize?  How can we effectively make our thoughts a reality in our lives?  The answer is to bring in as many sensory feelings as you possibly can.

  1.  See it.  Draw it.  Put it on a vision board.  I am living proof that this works!  I have had a picture of a certain car I wanted.  When my last car finally died, I was left in a situation where I had to purchase a new one.  My mechanic showed me the vehicles that he had available and guess what?  The vehicle I wanted was right there!  BUT – and here is the kicker – I didn’t realize it until after I bought it.  Let me explain.  I look at my vision board so often that it has become like a piece of furniture in my house.  I don’t really pay attention to it – I’m just being real y’all.  However, after I bought my vehicle I looked at my vision board and realized – OMG – that was the car I wanted.  The make and model were different but it was the style of vehicle.  My thoughts help me to manifest my car.  It may not happen immediately – but it will happen.                                                                             
  2. Hear it.  When you achieve it what will you say to self?  What do you imagine other people will say to you?  Think about the messages you hear while you’re on the journey – the more encouragement or even discouragement – the closer you are.  Often times our wise mentors, friends, or family will tell us during the most difficult times that the storm will come before the calm.  This is often true.  When you have a number of naysayers chirping in your ear – it’s sign that you are close to your break through.  When you have a number of people suddenly jumping on your bandwagon, it likely means – you are close to your break through.  It is all perception.  You totally got this.  Go for it!                                                                                                                             
  3. Taste it.  Not literally but figuratively.  You know when you think of a favorite food – chocolate cheese cake for example – and you think so hard that you can taste it without actually tasting it?  Think about what you want so hard that you can figuratively taste it.  I remember having a conversation with my middle son Kobey about baseball.  He will tell anyone who listens that he is going to be a professional baseball player.  He trains for it, dreams about it, talks about it ALL THE TIME.  Anyways, we were talking about his baseball team and he said to me – “Mom, right now my team sucks.  We do well in practice but when it comes down to it we do not follow through in the game.  We have the second worst record in the league mom.”  So me thinking – this is a teachable moment – I said to him that he needs to encourage his team, he needs to play his best game and he has to believe that the team can win.  He asked me if that would really work.  I encouraged him to try it.  He did.  He was vocal with his team mates and when they made a mistake he encouraged them.  He kept training and practicing.  Guess what happened?  The team came together and they won the freakin’ championship.  NOW – was it because of Kobey?  Maybe, maybe not.  But his belief and ability to “taste” the victory certainly helped.  Try it – let me know how it goes!                                                                                                                                               
  4. Feel it – you did it!  What does that feel like?  Happy?  Excited?  Proud?  Overwhelmed with emotion?  Thankful?  Imagine what you feel and multiply that feeling.  Make it intense.  The brain will find opportunities to try to replicate the feeling.  As a little girl, I imagined what my wedding would be like.  I imagined how happy and joyous of an occasion it would be.  When I would think about it, I imagined people happy, dancing, laughing, and really just having a great time.  My wedding was one of the best parties I have ever been to!  For years I “felt” what the experience of my wedding day would be like and it became a reality.  Now, the marriage was a complete different story (but that is a blog for another day) – haha.  Feel the emotions and watch them become a reality.                                                                                                                                                                           

Remember this –

  1. Worry is a negative form of meditation.  The more you worry the bigger you are allowing the situation to become.  I heard this quote recently – where your focus goes your energy flows.
  2. What you think about you bring about.  Make it good people!!
  3. Taking the time to envision what you want by bringing in multiple senses is a positive form of meditation.

You got this!

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

#SlayYourDay

You Got This!

It’s Back…

Hello! Bonjour! Ola! Bonjourno!

I’m so excited to tell you that the Slay Your Inner Bully 6 week Intensive is BACK!!!

photo credit: www.instagram.com/life2photography/

We have had some AMAZING testimonials about this program. But don’t take my word for it – check this out:

I invested a lot of my time in my self-growth where I had the honour of meeting some inspiring individuals along the way. With each person, I was able to apply what I have learned into my daily routine. Jennifer Slay; an inspiration to my mind, heart and soul is one of these people. Slay has shown me I am capable of enhancing my self-growth to a much higher level. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to experience the SYIB workshop. The workshop has taught me to observe deeper into my thoughts and has given me answers I have been searching for quite some time. Thank you Slay for inventing SYIB. SYIB has been a well deserving experience for me.

Crystal Laviolette -SYIB Participant

“Live life better than good!”, is a saying that I am now endeavoring to be part of my life since taking, “Slay Your Inner Bully” course. Within 8 weeks I have seen drastic changes in my thought process and how I handle those negative voices in my own mind. This series is insightful, encouraging and uplifting. While learning to be free to be the best version of yourself, you also have two incredible people guiding you through to a place where you can become more independent and “flip the script” in your mind automatically. Please take this course. You will not regret it!

Saidat – Children’s Entertainer

What is the Slay Your Inner Bully 6 week intensive? I am so glad you asked.

We all have this inner critic – I call it the inner bully – that tries to minimize our successes, or prevent us from taking risks, or puts us down so that our self-esteem is low. It can be VERY destructive.  But guess what, it can be very useful too depending on your perspective. See, if you are able to manage that bully, you can use it to propel you forward. Many people say to me that they wish they could control the bully but they just don’t know how. Well, that’s why we have the Slay Your Inner Bully course. It teaches you how to manage that bully and lead the life of your dreams!

This group is specifically for individuals who are serious about creating positive change and quieting the negative inner voice that shows up when they need to take action.


What we will talk about in this group is:
• How to do a Self-Audit (you have to know where you are to know how to move forward)
• The Mind and the Art of Effective Communication
• All About Me (You)
• Eliminating Toxins and Implementing Strategy
• Social Awareness, Relationships, & Communication
• Relationship Management and Putting it All Together

Please go to the link to find out more! This is one investment that will last a lifetime.

Join us on June 12, 2019 at 7:30pm EST and take the steps you need to create positive change in your life

RIGHT NOW!

https://jenslay.com/slay-your-inner-bully/

 

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.


Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

Understand this…

I saw a post the other day encouraging men to leave good women alone if their intentions were not honest and forthcoming because they are damaging good women for the good guys that are out there.

I thought this was interesting.

Initially my reaction was AMEN! But then I got to thinking. I truly believe we are all inherently good but life experiences, genetics and our choices lead us to create habits which then result in patterns.  These patterns are not always so great.   It is really hard for me to believe that people consciously make the choice to want to hurt someone else. That would be evil right? However, as mentioned, life experience can trigger feelings and emotions which lead us to make certain choices that may not be all that nice.

If we understand a few things about people, it will help us in our journey of life:

1. People (we) will ultimately make the choice for self-preservation. Our initial gut reaction will more than likely always be to protect ourselves. This is not being selfish, it is being smart. I just did some travelling and before takeoff the passengers were told that in case of emergency resulting in the cabin pressure dropping, we were to put our masks on first before helping the person next to us. The reason is because if we are busy trying to help someone else before we help ourselves, we may be negatively impacted (faint or worse). BUT if we help ourselves then we will be able to help others effectively. I will write that again – If we help ourselves first then we will be able to effectively help others.  Know that sometimes when people make choices that impact you – it had nothing to do with you but something they had to do for themselves.

2. We will get hurt in life. This is a given. We are social beings and made to be in relationship with other people. Since none of us are perfect we are going to mess up sometimes. There will be times when those mess ups negatively impact other people. Therefore, it is safe to say that due to our own choices and sometimes the choices of others – we will get hurt at some point. I have had failed relationships and I have been hurt and I have said that I will never allow myself to get into that situation again where someone can hurt me. Guess what? I did and I have and I will again. This was the wrong way to think in my opinion. Meeting someone, being vulnerable and being all in is a GOOD thing. However, until you are ready to do that – be all in – it is probably best you not be in a relationship. Taking time to heal requires discipline and focus. Do not be surprised that when you decide to be alone the Universe tests your decision and sends someone that seems perfect to you just to test your conviction. It’s true!

3. Things will get better – if you believe they will be. When we are in the midst of the whirlwind (hurt) it can feel like life will never get better. Times like these – don’t trust your feelings. It is more likely that things will get better if you want them to get better. A few ways to help the process is to:
a.) Seek professional support – a therapist, a good friend, a support group – do what you need to do to get the support that you need.
b.) Move beyond what happened the last time. We can sometimes get stuck in the past and make the people in our lives now pay for what someone did in your past. OR sometimes we get so stuck in some of the poor choices we have made that we do not forgive ourselves and allow ourselves to move forward in life. What has happened has happened. Nothing you can do about it but move forward. Choose how you want your future to look and do what you need to do to get there.
c.) Beware of getting stuck in a habitual patter of dysfunction. Please remember the definition of insanity – doing the same thing/making the same choices over and over again expecting a different result. If you want something different DO something different.  Getting comfortable in the dysfunction is a great way to live a rather unhappy and unfulfilling life.  Step out of that comfort zone!  You can do this!

We have heard the cliche – life is a journey.   We choose how to experience it.  Understand this – life has it’s ups, it’s downs, it’s twists and turns but ultimately it can be super exciting or long and dreary. It is truly your choice.

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions.  Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place.  You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.


Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session.  Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab.  You got this!

Want to contact Jen on social media? You can find her here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram: www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email: info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190.

www.jenslay.com

Choices

Choices!

How often have you heard the phrase “I had no choice!” from a friend, child, partner, co-worker or other person in your life when they relay a story to you about a major choice they had to make? Especially when they don’t like the outcome! How often might you have said “I had not choice” when you had to make a decision and the outcome is a lil tricky. Be honest now!

I am encouraging you to read what I am going to write VERY carefully and know, that the intent for what I am about to write is that I write it out of love for you and belief in your potential.

You always have a choice. ALWAYS. You may not be fond of the options but you have a choice.

When faced with decisions there are some of us who will face them head on. We’re like – bring it on! In the world of Extended DiSC (a behavioral assessment I use with my clients that helps them understand themselves more and learn how to more effectively communicate with others) we call these decisive, ready to take on any task the “D style” – Dominance.

What style are you?

Then there are those people who is perky and lively and wants to bring everyone in on the decision to make sure everyone’s voice is heard – these are the I style – the Influencers. They are often the life of a party.

The person who often seems calm, cool and collected and does not seem to break a sweat. That person who takes in the information and seems to take a long time to make a decision – they are the S – style. The S stands for Steadiness.

And then we’ve got our analytics. They have to look at EVERY every piece of data, read all the fine print, and want to ensure the decision is the right decision. These are our C style – which stands for Correctness.

Just a side note – knowing your behavior style can help increase your income, improve your relationships, and increase your success rate – just sayin.

No matter what your style (and most of us are a combination of two or three) we all have decisions that we have to make on a daily bases. Some decisions are small, some are huge, and most fall in between, but we make decisions as soon as we open our eyes from sleep – What will I wear? What will I eat for breakfast? Who will get the children off to school? Which route will I take to work/school? Do we partner with that business or not? Do I hire that contractor or not? Do I stay in this relationship? Do I move out of the city? What car should I buy? and the list goes on and on and on.

Some decisions will have a greater impact on our lives and the lives of those around us than others do but no matter what decision you make or the factors that you include in making your decision, I have three strategies that will be of support for you.

Weigh Your Options
  1. Weigh your options. Weigh ALL of your options. Even weigh the option of doing nothing because even choosing to not choose is a choice. When faced with a difficult decision or even just a major decision, it is always a good idea to weigh your options and it is for this reason that I never really liked the sales person who would tell me I had to make a decision right then and there or I would lose out on the opportunity they were presenting me with. Making decisions used to STRESS me out for this very reason. However, I have now adopted the mindset that if I cannot have a minimum of 24hrs to think about my options and determine what I want then that opportunity likely is not for me. Can you guess my behavior type? LOL Now when it comes to which ice cream flavor I’m going to choose – I can make a quick decision. However, when it comes to whether or not I want to invest in an $8000 water system – I’m going to take my time. That’s how I roll – we are all different. Taking the time to weigh your options to determine what is best for you will likely result in a decision you can comfortably live with.
  2. What is the outcome that you REALLY want and why? Ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself. Have you ever noticed that sometimes we think we want something and when we get it we wonder why we wanted it in the first place? In some instances we regret choosing the option we did because what we thought we wanted was not what we actually wanted? This strategy is really important because too many of us are walking around fooling ourselves instead of taking the time to ask the following: Do I want this specific outcome because it will make me look good? Do I want this specific outcome because it is the best thing for me/my business/my job/my child etc… and what makes it the best thing? Or do I want a specific outcome because the other options, well, they suck. No matter what your answer is, be honest with yourself. Think about this – if you get what you say you want what is that going to really look like? Weigh the positives and weigh the challenges. You got this – but be honest and determine why you want the outcome you want. Remember, there is nothing wrong with any answer you come up with as long as you are able to live with it – which leads us to strategy number 3.
  3. Take responsibility. Listen, we have to do a better job as a society of taking responsibility for the choices that we make. We often are basing our decisions on the actions/decision of other people and then when things do not work out as planned we blame that person. Funny story (funny now, not at the time). I can remember one summer when I was a teenager, I was in the eleventh grade, and I had the choice to go on a 6 week vacation to Jamaica with my family or go to BC on a school summer trip. If I went to Jamaica, I’d be up under my parents the whole time BUT it was Jamaica and I had a TON of cousins so you know that would be fun. If I stayed in Canada, I would have to spend half the summer in the small town I lived in and then the last two weeks of my parents’ vacation I would travel to British Columbia for a leadership camp. I did have the option to go to Jamaica and then fly to the camp alone BUT because my boyfriend at the time said to me that if I went away for the whole summer our relationship would basically be over I decided to not go away to Jamaica. Don’t judge me, I was 16 and in LOVE! haha Guess what happened? Well, I spent the summer in my small town, went on the school trip, and when I returned the relationship ended up ending anyways and my sister bragged about the AMAZING time she had. I was annoyed to say the least BUT I had a choice. Blame the boyfriend because if it was not for him I would have had a fabulous time in Jamaica too. OR own the fact that I made the decision to stay and even though things did not end up the way I had wanted them to, in the end it was my decision. Too often people who find themselves in these types of scenarios blame the other person – in this case my boyfriend – bc had he not given the ultimatum my choice would have been different. BUT I made that choice. So, I had to own it. No one else’s fault, it just is what it is. Own your choices.
Take responsibility and be free

Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions. You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.

Photo Credit: London Life Portraits

If you would like more information on Extended DiSC or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session with me. I’d love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jenslayvision

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Happy to the Core

Hey!

Yes you!

Have you noticed the new tag line/mantra/affirmation that is on most of my posts? It is what we, at Jennifer Slay Counselling and Coaching, have aspired to be – happy to the core. Not only that – we are wanting to touch 1000 lives this year with our happiness message.

We believe that if you are not currently happy, you are one decision away from it. Yes, there are many circumstances that can impede a person’s happiness, but once you make the decision that you will be happy, then it is a matter of creating a plan to achieve your goal. For some, that plan may involve a visit to their doctor to help balance out chemical imbalances in the brain, BUT for the most part, that plan will involve creating new habits by reprogramming the subconsciousness. Do you think this would be complicated? It’s not. It is rather simple really. What needs to happen are two things:

  1. Become aware of your situation
  2. Make a decision for change

If you are able to do those two things then you are half way to creating a level of happiness within that goes to the core – not surface. For a long time I was surface happy. I put a smile on my face and wanted everyone to think I was strong and capable. When my world crashed around me, I had to take stock of the choices I made in my life that put me in the situation I was in and then I had to make a decision to make different choices. That meant creating new habits and reprogramming my mind.

How?

Decide who do you want to be? Please keep in mind that you are an amazing and unique individual already. However, we ALL can strive to become the best version of ourselves. We then make a plan to become that better version of ourselves. Make the 30 Days of Happy part of your plan.

30 Days of Happy is an online course that takes minutes a day to complete. The goal – increase your happiness factor. What you get:

Development of new GOOD habits

Development of a growth mindset

New connections

MOVEMENT towards your goals

More fulfillment

Access to my team – the SLAY team

Want to learn more? Click here and then join the 30 Days of Happy Facebook group where we share inspirational posts, discuss gratitude, and have fun.

https://jen-slay.thinkific.com/courses/30daysofhappy

You got this! #Slay2019

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)


Would you like to book a complimentary 15min Discovery Call with me? Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “Discovery Call” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

website: www.jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Taking my Own Advice.

So, last week was a great week. My team and I were on task to getting key projects done, I had made some great contacts, I won a speech contest and those are just a few of the highlights. It was truly an amazing week. HOWEVER, the week did not start out that way. Can we say FRUSTRATION?!

For those of you who do not know me, on Sundays I like to plan my week . I am a planner. I like to know where I’m going, who I’m meeting, how I’m getting there, purpose of the meeting etc… Basic things that I’m sure many of us can appreciate. I also enjoy great customer service when I am inquiring to possibly use or purchase something that you’re offering. Again, basic. So, on Monday and Tuesday I had to make some phone calls to a number of bigger companies to get some things in order. Have you tried calling big companies lately? The ones where there is no live person?

You know where this is going right?

Well, the first company I wanted to reach out to, before I could speak to anyone I had to create an account online to start an application for what I wanted. I followed the instructions. They said I had to confirm my email address so I input my email. I waited.

and waited…

No email received.

I tried again. But now, since I had already started an account I was told an account had been created using that email and therefore I had to go to my email to confirm my email address. BUT NO EMAIL EVER ARRIVED. So I say to myself, let me call them. I call, I get transferred to someone and the phone disconnects. I call again, and I must have dialed incorrectly because it was a different company all together. I call again and was placed on hold for 15min.

I hung up.

I decided, maybe I should stop focusing on that for a minute and do something else. I try to order some items for my business. MISTAKE. Website was acting up (it happens) and there was no number to call (at least I could not find one). Plus, because I was already feeling frustrated I knew I was likely missing something because I was seeing red. So I thought, Jen, do something else.

I had to call to arrange a service for my home. After being on hold for 20min a live person did answer the phone – HALLELUIAH! But then the phone promptly disconnected.

At this point my neck is stiff, my thoughts are not clear, and I want to scream.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

I then realized – WAIT A SECOND. I’m Jen Slay. I tell people to slay their day everyday. What the heck am I getting frustrated for (although you have to admit I had every right to get frustrated – just sayin)? I had to remember who I was and tell myself who I was – exactly what I suggest to anyone who will listen. I had to take a minute and stop the mounting anger that was building inside of me due to my frustration. Basically I did what I suggest to my clients all the time.

I stopped. I took a pause.

I took a moment and I focused on my breathing. I imagined everything going the way it was meant to go. I shifted my thinking and started to laugh. I purposely laughed (meaning I forced a laugh) until I started to really laugh. I walked away from the computer, called a friend, had a good laugh and breathed.

Then I started again.

Interestingly enough, everything ran smoothly after that.

Just another lesson that what we think about we will bring about. The more I was getting frustrated and thinking of the incompetence (I wasn’t thinking that word at the time but a child may be reading this and I don’t want to offend – lol) the more of it I was receiving. When I took a step back, relaxed, refocused and approached things more positively, the situation improved – DRASTICALLY.

Just goes to show that for all of us who are coaches and in the helping profession where we give the advice to refocus and take a breath – sometimes, we just have to take our own advice.

I thought I would share this with you because I am certain it will get a giggle from someone. If this post brightens your day in any way – then my job has been done for the day.

You got this. #SlayYourDay (and I mean it)

Jen

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)

Would you like to book a complimentary 15min Discovery Call with me? Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “Discovery Call” tab. I look forward to chatting with you.

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

M.L.T. (not to be confused with B.L.T.)

Hello and how are you?!

It is January – AGAIN. 

I don’t know about you, but when my friends and I have the rare opportunity to sit and catch up on each other’s lives there is a 99.9% chance that one of us is going to say “My goodness time seems to go faster the older we get!”  The response is 99.99% of the time a resounding “Right?  This year is just flying by!”

Does that conversation look familiar to you?

The reality is that time is not flying any faster or slower than when we were children.  You’ve heard that saying Time stands still for no one?  It is true.  The main difference between when we were children and being an adult is that as children we seemed to always be waiting to grow up.  Growing up could not come fast enough and as adults we wish we could go back and tell ourselves as children to enjoy that time before the responsibilities start.  It is a funny conundrum.

The constant between us as a child and us as an adult is that we are always setting goals.  Admittedly, there is a difference in how we approach them, but we are always setting them.  Think about it.  It is true!  For example, my children will decide that they MUST get the next best toy out on the market.  They figure out what they have to do to get it and set out on a mission to get that toy until they have it.  Now, they tend to get the toy and play with the box it came in (argh!) but their mission to get what they want was clear and they tend to accomplish it right?!   Do you have a child or know a child that does this?  They make a decision to get something, then learn what they need to do to get it and finally take action to get it?  I am sure we all do.  The method that I just described is what I refer to as the MLT method.

I just want to say something about children though and their approach.  It reminds me of a verse in the bible from the book of Matthew where it basically talks about us adults having faith like a child.  I interpret this to mean that we need to believe wholeheartedly and enthusiastically in what we are doing.  If we approach a child, they have every belief that they will accomplish their goals.  It is us adults that have the doubt, distrust, and lack of faith.

Why is that?

Well, we come by it honestly.  Life can throw some curve balls at us and as humans, many of us have a tendency to revert back to our experiences when approaching a new goal, project, or relationship.  Am I right?

However, I am confident when I say that if we practice the M.L.T. method with the faith of a child, we will go much further in our lives.

Let’s delve a little deeper.

The “M” stands for – Make a decision

What do you want?  What is it that you really want?  Make a list.  Once this list is made, then attach a “why” to each want.  Next, ask yourself why do you want it?  What will change for you in your life if you get it/achieve it?  How will your life improve and the lives of those around you be impacted if you get/achieve what you want?

This list can be 20 items long if you want.  The goal here (no pun intended) is to make a list of everything you want in the short term and the long term with no prejudgment. 

Once you have made your list it is time to prioritize.  According to the authors of the 4 Disciplines of Execution, in order to accomplish your goals at a high level of excellence, they must be prioritized – or as they call them they must be Wildly Important Goals.

From the graphic you can see that if we try to accomplish more than 11 goals at one time, we won’t accomplish any of them with excellence.  If we aim for 4-10 at the same time we MAY accomplish 1-2 with excellence.  However, if we prioritize 2-3 goals that are extremely important to us we are more likely to accomplish those 2-3 goals.  So, I think it’s worth the time of prioritizing don’t you?

Once we have made the decision it’s time to go to the “L”.

L – Learn a new way

What resources do you need to accomplish your goal?  Do you need to go back to school?  Do you need a mentor?  Do you need a coach?  Books?  New mindset?  What is it that you need so that you can set yourself up for success?

One suggestion that I would give to you about success in achieving your goal is this:  If you are really serious about accomplishing your goal then you will need to be accountable to someone.

Here are some stats to think about:

The probability of completing a goal if:

  • You have an idea or a goal: 10%
  • You consciously decide you will do it: 25%
  • You decide when you will do it: 40%
  • You plan how you will do it: 50%
  • You commit to someone you will do it: 65%
  • You have a specific accountability appointment with a person you’ve committed to: 95%

Accountability is a key component to success.  It can be a trusted friend or colleague but ideally a coach. 

Finally we come to the “T” – Take Action

You now know what you want.  You have figured out how to get the resources to accomplish your goal.  Now it is action time.  Move forward.  As Steve Harvey has popularized – JUMP.  Take a chance and just go for it!  Here’s the thing to keep in mind.  Without going for our goals, or working towards achieving our goals and taking the necessary risks, we will never know what could have been.  The ONLY time we truly fail is when we do not take action and make an effort.  It was one of the greatest basketball players of all time, Michael Jordan, who said that we miss 100% of the shots that we never take.  He also said:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

If we want to succeed we have to take action.  This idea is worth repeating so I am going to ask you to recognize this – even if you do not achieve the outcome that you set out to get, you have not failed.  Take what you have learned and apply the lesson the next time around.  This is called progress.

Let me leave you with this:

Life is short but it is the longest thing you or I will ever do.  How do you choose to live?

You got this.

Slay the day. #Slay2019

Photo credit: London Life Portraits (Howard Adams)

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker, therapist and one half of the Thrive Experts. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at info@jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

www.jenslay.com 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Hello!

I hope that you have had a great holiday season so far and that your New Year is filled with love, laughter, and good times.

As you reflect on the past year (as many of us do) I encourage you to dwell on what went well and learn from whatever obstacles you may have faced. Always remember that the challenges we face are opportunities for personal growth. It may not feel that way when we go through it BUT when we choose to view things with an open mind – ANYTHING is possible.

I am looking forward to interacting with you this year. A number of changes are coming and the opportunities to grow together are exciting. Looking forward to sharing with you soon.

In the meantime be safe, have fun, and please take time for YOU. This is how we Finesse our lives.

Believing in you,

Jennifer Slay

Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a registered social worker and therapist. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at www.jenslay.com or call 1-877-786-7190. 

Want to contact me on social media?  You can find me here:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com   

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Remember to subscribe!  You totally got this!  #SlayYourDay

Photo credit: Jasmina Photography