I saw a post the other day encouraging men to leave good women alone if their intentions were not honest and forthcoming because they are damaging good women for the good guys that are out there.
I thought this was interesting.
Initially my reaction was AMEN! But then I got to thinking. I truly believe we are all inherently good but life experiences, genetics and our choices lead us to create habits which then result in patterns. These patterns are not always so great. It is really hard for me to believe that people consciously make the choice to want to hurt someone else. That would be evil right? However, as mentioned, life experience can trigger feelings and emotions which lead us to make certain choices that may not be all that nice.
If we understand a few things about people, it will help us in our journey of life:
1. People (we) will ultimately make the choice for self-preservation. Our initial gut reaction will more than likely always be to protect ourselves. This is not being selfish, it is being smart. I just did some travelling and before takeoff the passengers were told that in case of emergency resulting in the cabin pressure dropping, we were to put our masks on first before helping the person next to us. The reason is because if we are busy trying to help someone else before we help ourselves, we may be negatively impacted (faint or worse). BUT if we help ourselves then we will be able to help others effectively. I will write that again – If we help ourselves first then we will be able to effectively help others. Know that sometimes when people make choices that impact you – it had nothing to do with you but something they had to do for themselves.
2. We will get hurt in life. This is a given. We are social beings and made to be in relationship with other people. Since none of us are perfect we are going to mess up sometimes. There will be times when those mess ups negatively impact other people. Therefore, it is safe to say that due to our own choices and sometimes the choices of others – we will get hurt at some point. I have had failed relationships and I have been hurt and I have said that I will never allow myself to get into that situation again where someone can hurt me. Guess what? I did and I have and I will again. This was the wrong way to think in my opinion. Meeting someone, being vulnerable and being all in is a GOOD thing. However, until you are ready to do that – be all in – it is probably best you not be in a relationship. Taking time to heal requires discipline and focus. Do not be surprised that when you decide to be alone the Universe tests your decision and sends someone that seems perfect to you just to test your conviction. It’s true!
3. Things will get better – if you believe they will be. When we are in the midst of the whirlwind (hurt) it can feel like life will never get better. Times like these – don’t trust your feelings. It is more likely that things will get better if you want them to get better. A few ways to help the process is to:
a.) Seek professional support – a therapist, a good friend, a support group – do what you need to do to get the support that you need.
b.) Move beyond what happened the last time. We can sometimes get stuck in the past and make the people in our lives now pay for what someone did in your past. OR sometimes we get so stuck in some of the poor choices we have made that we do not forgive ourselves and allow ourselves to move forward in life. What has happened has happened. Nothing you can do about it but move forward. Choose how you want your future to look and do what you need to do to get there.
c.) Beware of getting stuck in a habitual patter of dysfunction. Please remember the definition of insanity – doing the same thing/making the same choices over and over again expecting a different result. If you want something different DO something different. Getting comfortable in the dysfunction is a great way to live a rather unhappy and unfulfilling life. Step out of that comfort zone! You can do this!
We have heard the cliche – life is a journey. We choose how to experience it. Understand this – life has it’s ups, it’s downs, it’s twists and turns but ultimately it can be super exciting or long and dreary. It is truly your choice.
Being happy to the core entails being responsible and accepting responsibility for our choices, actions and decisions. Being open to different perspectives and allowing yourself to experience new things is just one way to get to that core happy place. You totally got this. We totally got this. #SlayYourDay.
Photo Credit: London Life Portraits
If you would like more information on how to work with Jen Slay or you want to learn more about how to be happy to your core book a 15min telephone Slay session. Jen would love to talk to you. Go to www.calendly.com/jenslay and click on the “15min Slay Session” tab. You got this!
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Jennifer Slay is an award winning speaker and best selling author. She is a motivational speaker, registered social worker, therapist, workshop facilitator and online teacher. For more information or to book Jennifer to speak at your event, email at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 1-877-786-7190.