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Hope in the Face of Hopelessness Part II

Jennifer • Aug 24, 2017

Last week I wrote about the similarities and differences between a person with hope and a person who felt hopeless.  Quick recap.  Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experience the three F’s – Fear, frustration and failure.   The main difference between the two is that the person with hope puts action behind theirbelief/hope.  A person who is feeling hopeless does not or feels they cannot make changes to their situation.  I must remind you, the law of physics says that change is inevitable – nothing can remain the same.  The only constant in life is change.  If you can start with that belief, that can be your first step to building the hope muscle.

Please do not think that I am shaming anyone or blaming anyone for their situation.  That is not my intent.  My intent here is to show you that one of the main differences between a person with hope and the person who feels hopeless is that belief/hope in action.  There are MANY reasons as to why a person may be feeling hopeless and feels they are not able to get out of their situation.  I’m not minimizing that many people who are feeling hopeless have a number of other things going on in their lives that feed into the hopelessness like mental health concerns for example.  However, I am saying that with the right supports and by implementing F.A.D. you can strengthen that hope muscle.

What is F.A.D.?

F ocus on the positive

A dopt an attitude of gratitude

D aily Affirmations

Focus on the Positive.  When I say focus on the positive, what goes through your mind?  Most people say it means focusing on the good and not thinking about the not so good.  However, one thing that is important to note, is that acknowledging the negative is not a “bad thing”.  Actually, no value judgement needs to be placed on it.  When something bad or negative happens to us, in order to effectively move past the incident/issue we have to feel the emotions as they are, acknowledge the feeling and then move on.  We don’t stay there.  Focusing on the positive means focusing on what you have understanding and accepting where you are and developing a plan to move forward.

 

The other day I woke up thinking “Oh, man I have so much I have to do today” and I quickly corrected myself and said “Oh man, I get to do so much today”.  Perspective is everything!  I get that there are situations that happen in life that seem unfair like the death of a loved one for example.  How do you find the positive in that?  Especially if the loved one is a child or someone who has passed suddenly and tragically?  How do we reframe that?  My suggestion is to feel the sadness, acknowledge that it’s not fair but don’t stay in the trenches.  What did you learn from having that relationship?  What did you love about knowing the person?  What can you do to honor that relationship?  This is how you focus on the positive.  Focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have.

Adopt an attitude of gratitude.  An exercise that goes hand in hand with focusing on the positive is adopting an attitude of gratitude.  I would encourage that every day before you start your day, you look in the mirror and tell yourself three things that you are grateful for.  Ensure to do the same thing in the evening before bed.  When we focus on what we have as opposed to what we don’t have, something happens in our brains and we subconsciously work to maintain or get more of that which makes us happy.  Essentially, when you exercise gratitude the universe works to bring you more.  The result is abundance.  Again, unfortunate events in life can and do happen, but if we can be grateful in the face of those times, we are setting ourselves up for more positive things to happen in our lives.

Daily Affirmations.  Some people actually laugh at the idea of saying daily affirmations because they may think it’s silly or feels weird to affirm daily what you want.  I say – do it anyway.  It can’t hurt!  Research has shown that when we say daily affirmations, it enhances our mood which helps us to accomplish more and helps to increase our confidence levels.  There is also research that shows that people who use positive words and surround themselves with positive messages increase their muscle mass while those who speak negatively of themselves show a decrease in their muscle mass and are more fatigued.  Interesting right?  However, positive affirmations by themselves, in isolation, is not recommended.  Putting action behind the words is important.  Putting yourself on a plan to make the affirmations your genetic truth is vital.  If I say “I am a great motivational speaker” but I do not practice speaking, I read pure negativity and essentially do nothing to make myself great I am setting myself up for disappointment.  If you say “I’m healthy and strong” but you do not do any exercise, eat only fast food, and surround yourself with negativity – that affirmation is likely not going to work because you are not putting positive and purposeful action behind it.  Please, do not misunderstand me – I’m not trying to condemn anyone – but I am trying to set you up to win.  Put positive and purposeful action behind your affirmation and watch it happen.

So how do you find hope when you feel hopeless?  You recognize that one of the main differences between a person with hope and  a person who feels hopeless is that the person with hope is putting purposeful action behind their belief in self and ability.  A person with hope will also implement F.A.D. – Focus on the positive; Adopt an attitude of gratitude; and say Daily affirmations.  Putting F.A.D. into action will help build your hope muscle.  Try it.  Let me know how it goes.

In addition, if we make an effort to remember those top great moments in our lives then that will help foster putting a smile on your face.  Here are my top ten.  I hope they put a smile on your face.

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!   Paperback  and  Kindle  versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

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By Jennifer Slay 30 Jun, 2023
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By Jennifer Slay 01 Mar, 2023
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By Jennifer 25 Nov, 2022
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By Jennifer 19 Oct, 2022
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How to overcome fear and increase your confidence
By Jennifer 26 Aug, 2022
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By Jennifer 24 Jul, 2022
I’m Jennifer Slay, along with my partners, Tanya Reynolds and Shirley Brooks, and we are the proud co-owners of Manifesting Excellence Coaching . I look forward to sharing our story. I hope that you will enjoy getting to know us better. I was tired of being taken for granted and made to feel dumb, so I decided one day that enough was enough. It was like a light bulb went off, and I intentionally stopped being a people pleaser and began to express myself more, which made a world of difference. I figured I couldn’t be the only one who felt that way, so I promised myself that I would help others become self-aware and make vital changes to live as happier human beings. It inspired me to create the program Slay Your Inner Critic. Coach Tanya and Coach Shirley had similar circumstances that led them to my program. It not only transformed their lives and thinking but also springboarded their coaching careers to where they both co-teach Slay Your Inner Critic. Through several iterations, we came together under the umbrella of Manifesting Excellence Coaching with the mission to carry forward my original goal of helping women choose the direction they want their lives to take. Our motto is ‘To live a life happier to your core; you must be authentic, use the power of your voice, and believe in yourself.’ Therefore we work with confidence, and I believe what sets us apart from others is our integrity, authenticity, humility, and teamwork. I also attribute our success to the coming together of our different talents to help serve in a way we could not do alone. It includes combining our sixty-plus years of experience in the corporate world, the social workspace, change management, and business development, which has helped us excel in life, career, and business coaching. As a result, it fills us with immense satisfaction to see how many lives we have changed for the better. We are proud of our clients for having the courage to invest time into themselves and their personal development. Therefore, it’s rewarding when these men and women allow us to be there with them on their journey and witness the aha moments that propel them to make a remarkable transformation of their minds and spirits. For example, we were once on the last session of the Slay Your Inner Critic program, and at the end, when it was time to say goodbye, NOBODY wanted to leave. The sense of community, togetherness, and support we created in that cohort group was palpable, as everyone wanted to be buddies and have us there to facilitate their relationships. When we’re not empowering clients, I like to hang out with my sons, read and engage in public speaking opportunities. Tanya enjoys dabbling in CrossFit and rugby and spends time with her daughter, while Shirley loves quarterback training, watching HGTV, and listening to neuroscience podcasts. I have enjoyed sharing our journey about the things that matter to us and how they influence how we do business.  If you or someone you know could benefit from our expertise as Canada’s online certified life, career, business coaches, and registered social workers, I invite you to get in touch. Please visit our website at www.manifestyourexcellence.com . Sincerely, Jen, Tanya, and Shirley
By Jennifer 10 Mar, 2022
March is considered the “lucky” month because of St. Patrick’s Day. Do you celebrate this day with your friends? I don’t. Not for any reason in particular, I just don’t – lol. BUT Let’s talk about this idea of “luck”. Google defines luck as “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions”. When I was a child my mother used to tell me I was a lucky kid because I won so much stuff. I remember winning a walk-man, or a free lunch, or winning a hole in one in mini-put golf etc… In those situations – yep, luck had a lot to do with it. BUT As a grown woman who has dedicated hours upon hours to studying, learning, and teaching my craft – luck had nothing to do with it. As a grown woman who has taken risks in business, failed many, many, many times and just kept trying – luck had nothing to do with it. And as a grown woman who has been told “You can’t because you’re a woman/Black woman/too young/too old etc…” and doing the thing anyways – luck had nothing to do with it. In fact, if someone tells me that I am a lucky woman because of the different successes that I’ve earned I tell them – luck had nothing to do with it. A decision. Sticking to that decision even when I didn’t want to or didn’t feel like it. THAT is why I experience success. Risking ridicule, being talked about, not fitting in – THAT is why I experience success. When I stopped allowing the opinions of everyone else matter more than my own – THAT is why I experience success. What about you? What decision do you need to make, be held accountable to and execute in order for you to experience the success you know you were born to experience? Everything you want will happen after you DECIDE. What’s your decision? If you would like to book some time to talk to me or my team about how to make whatever you have decided on a reality, please feel free to book yourself in for some time: https://calendly.com/jenslay/1-hour-counselling-coaching-sessions
By Jennifer 10 Feb, 2022
February is a very important month.  Why? Not because it is the month of love (Valentine’s day) or because it’s a short month (28 days) but because it is a month dedicated to the acknowledgement and celebration of Black History. February is Black History Month. Now, I am not silent about my views and I am proud to share information with friends, colleagues, clients and strangers BUT just the other day I was speaking to a couple people that I work with and I was telling them about Black History Month and their initial response saddened me. They said “Oh, I didn’t know February was Black History Month”. Now the reason this comment saddened me is not because they didn’t know. One thing I have become very aware of during this journey of life, is that often times if something does not directly affect you, then the likelihood of you knowing about or learning about it is slim. Not always – but often. The reason I was saddened is because given my passion for anti-racism and the upliftment of Black people – how can someone be in my circle and not know about Black History Month?!?! I felt that maybe I failed them in some way. So now, I’m on a mission. If you call yourself my friend/colleague/family then you’re going to know what I’m passionate about just like I am going to ensure I take an interest in what you are passionate about. Why? It’s important. It’s important in the development of strong, lasting relationships and it’s important in our fight for equity and justice. Conversations build bridges. Conversations allow for deeper understanding. Conversations can break stereotypes, enhance understanding and produce respect. So, my friend/colleague/family member – February , is Black History Month. It is a time to recognize and celebrate the contributions and successes of Black people today and in history. Please note – my history is not all about slavery. That is a part of it but that’s not all of it. I encourage you to take the time this month (and every month) to learn more about Black history (World history). It will allow you to reflect and look at your own biases and maybe even some stereotypes you have which have been perpetuated by media, history books, and racist attitudes. Not everyone can be an activist. Not everyone will have a platform to speak to thousands and not everyone feels comfortable speaking about these issues in a public forum. However, we all have the opportunity to learn and unlearn. We all have an opportunity to be an ally. We all have an opportunity to do better. What are you going to do to be a part of the solution? Please go to www.lbhcc.ca to find some virtual events happening here in London, Ontario that the world is welcomed to attend. Happy Black History Month!
By Jennifer 27 Jan, 2022
LeadHERalliance 10-10-10 Month 2 – Topic 2 Take Care of the C.O.R.E. – Jennifer Slay
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