How is that some people can have horrific things happen to them and then bounce back like it was nothing while other people end up in a goopy gloppy mess? Well, I can tell you, it’s attributed to this buzz word that is going around like wild fire – Resilience.
Resilience: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
There is this thought out there that to be resilient means that you do not feel the hurt or the pain. To be resilient means that you just brush the hurt aside and act like it didn’t happen, like everything is OK. Well, I have news for you – that is SO not true. Pretending you are not affected or impacted by situations that happen is actually a sure fire way to get you into that goopy gloppy mess state that I mentioned above. It is so important to feel the pain. Cry. Scream. Journal. Mope. Do what you have to do – accept what has happened – even analyze what has happened, then move forward. The key is to not stay in that state.
Some keys to note:
Acronym – FAMLLI – coincidence I think not!
For those of you who have been following me for a bit you have heard me speak about some of my tough times. Well, I don’t think I ever went into great detail about one of the most difficult times of my life – my divorce. My marriage ended – it was a dramatic scene from the best soap opera – lol (so glad I can laugh about it now). Anyways, due to a series of poor choices by myself and my ex we ended up getting a divorce. I felt like a failure. My self esteem was shot. I had a tremendous amount of guilt and shame and really, I did not want to be around a bunch of people. Due to obligations that I had there was no choice for me but to force myself out of my house. Due to having children depending on me I had to get myself out of bed each day. Due to now being a single parent I had to work. But there came a point where I just did not want to be around anymore and that’s when I knew I needed some help. I have bounced back from A LOT of stuff. For some reason my divorce was that last straw. You know, the straw that broke the camel’s back? That was my straw. Due to the many obligations that I had, I wasn’t able to really feel the pain so that I could successfully move through the acceptance, move past, learn from and improve next time around phases. I needed help and I needed support to get through. I broke down and sought out professional help along with the amazing shoulders of support from my sister and best friend. Even the toughest people need a shoulder sometimes.
Resilience is not pretending everything is ok, it is being real and admitting that things are not ok. Being resilient is knowing that once you get up from this fall you will be better than ever. If you have to seek out help – do it. If you have to lean on family and friends – do it. Resilience is your ability to bounce back from adversity. Yes, you will feel sad sometimes, you may even have a pity party but GET BACK UP. We all have the ability to do it. You were put on this earth for a reason. Use your mess to help create your success. The question is, do you believe you can? I can confidently say that I believe you can. Make a decision. Believe in you.
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