I’m reading this book about your EQ not to be confused with your IQ (EQ is your emotional intelligence). The book talks about being aware of your emotions and how you manage them. It discusses specifically being self aware, being able to self-manage, being socially aware, and managing relationships. Like most people, I have room to improve in all areas. I am very aware that I can come across as very strong willed (stubborn as my ex-husband would likely say – lol), abrasive (honesty is the best policy in my books), and impatient (low tolerance for ignorance). HOWEVER, I am also very aware that I have a very deep love and passion for people’s success. I am determined to help people reach their full potential, and I do not apologize for it. Sometimes in order to help someone, being really nice and sweet does not work. Let me ask you something. Have you had a bad habit that you’ve tried to break over, and over, and over again? And you just can’t break it? In some cases, it wasn’t until someone confronted you with it that you really took notice and made a decision to change right? That could have been a friend, an acquaintance, a business associate, and even sometimes yourself! Let me give you an example.
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When I was a kid, I was a bit, well, free spirited. Being different than everyone else (often the only black kid in my class and on occasion the school when I was really little) I quickly learned that I needed to make an impact if I wanted to noticed and heard. I’ve got to admit, up to the age of 10 or 12 this came off as bullyish for a while. To adults they may say overly spirited and kinda sorta rude. Now despite this, I did manage to make some great friends and be invited to parties and stuff – lol. BUT I never quite felt like I belonged. For the longest time I would blame it on the fact that I was the only black kid, however, now that I’m older, wiser, and more self reflective, it may have had something to do with my personality. When I was about twelve years old, one of my good friends, who is still a friend to this day told me something that stuck with me. She said that our other friend’s mom described me as a “Bitch on wheels”. Now, before going into an uproar about how an adult could describe a kid this way – IT WAS TRUE!!!
Let me put this in context. This comment came after a sleep over party at our friend’s house. At this party, I was the ring leader in some kind of water fight where we sprayed water EVERYWHERE – in the house, out of the house, on the new wet concrete that was drying – everywhere! At the age of twelve, I had my first lesson in being self-aware and socially-aware. If I wanted people to like me and respect me I had to decide who me was going to be. I made a decision that day to be authentic (spirited) but to be aware of how my actions impacted others. As a teenager I could be described as kind, reliable, determined, and talented. Much better descriptor words right?
Now this story may have some of you shaking your head. For those of you who knew me you may be shaking your head thinking – yeah, that about describes her, and for others, you may be shaking your head in disbelief. But I was there. I mean, at my wedding and during her speech, my God-Mother said I was a “terrorist” as a kid. Not quite sure what that was specifically supposed to mean (and my mother was mortified – lol), but she ended it with saying what a beautiful and successful woman I had become (my mother was still pissed that her kid was called a terrorist at her wedding BUT I laughed it off). My point is that I had to figure out who I wanted to be and then become that person. I’m not even going to lie, some of the words used to describe me as a child hurt. But I was able to use those words to my advantage and I now have a drive and determination that has served me well.
So although I am strong willed, assertive, and don’t have time for ignorance – DEAL WITH IT! Because I am also one of the kindest, most supportive, and fiercest cheerleaders you will ever meet! When I say I’ve got your back – know it to be true. When I love, I love hard. Those in my inner circle know, if they are going to act the fool I’m going to tell them. They love that because it means I will always be truthful with them no matter what. My inner circle treats me the same way – when I’m doing something crazy – they tell me. And then we move on. THOSE are the people you want around you. The ones who love you enough to tell you about yourself – lol. The ones whose intentions are to lift you up not pull you down. If you have a bunch of “yes” people around, don’t blame the people, look at you. Why are they so afraid to say “no” to you? Hmmmmmm.
Ok, this blog post turned out much longer than I anticipated! Leave a comment. Tell me about your aha moment that made you more self-aware and socially aware! We all have them. Look forward to hearing from you!
Have a fantabulous week and I’ll see you on Monday!
Remember, in everything you do, Believe in You!
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