I’m never going to pretend to be a relationship expert in my own life. My stories are so dramatic they would make great soap opera scripts. However, I’m incredibly observant and objective when it comes to the relationships of others. Interesting huh? Actually, I was speaking to a doctor of psychology once about this very subject and he said, it is very common for those who teach to teach amazingly well but not use that same objectivity in their own lives. Hmmmmmmm. Interesting.
So you know me, I won’t take that as a definitive answer. I just had to prove him wrong. I can apply my skills with clients to myself if I am purposeful about it. So I started to observe and scrutinize my own personal relationships and do a bit more observing of the relationships around me. People, I’ve got to say, we all need to take a step back and RELAX.
Today I wanted to post a cute and funny video on facebook with my Top Ten Most Romantic Date ideas. In posting that, I wanted to get a message across about how we treat one another in personal, intimate relationships. I promise not to get too preachy, but this really has to be said.
I have observed friends, colleagues, fb acquaintances, family members, clients and even myself become utterly confused when it comes to relationships. I’ve watched and experienced tears and pain from rejection, being taken advantage of and broken hearts. Here’s the thing luvs, relationships really are not complicated if you go into it with three things – honesty, transparency, and kindness. If you do what you’re supposed to do, and a time comes when you have to walk away, you can do so with a clear conscious.
Too often, too many people see someone they want to get to know on an intimate level. They have a preconceived idea of what that person is like and then they act accordingly to try to win favor with that person. What if we all made the decision to just be ourselves. What if we decided that if our personalities just are not good enough for the person we want to impress, then we simply move on? What would happen if we did that? I mean, isn’t it better than creating a back story for yourself and making yourself more than you actually are only to have to create a lie to support the lie later. Eventually the truth is going to come out anyways, so why not be upfront and honest from the beginning. There’s this old saying that says, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.
Here is where I’m at in life. If you are going to enter someone’s life, make your impression honest and positive. It’s simple and in this case EASY! See here’s the thing, you do not know what mess or craziness has gone on in another person’s life. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE MADNESS! I’m being so serious now. In all you choose to do from here on out choose to be a contributor of positivity, honesty, transparency, and clarity. Your past is the past you cannot change it. You can, however, make a conscious decision on how to proceed right after reading this blog. How? BE YOURSELF. If you are interested in someone because you think they have a lot to offer just tell them that. If you are not interested in someone but you need something from them just tell them that. I’m laughing right now because I recently had a situation where a guy tried to get romantically involved with me because I guess he thought if I was interested in him I’d help him out with something he needed. First – I don’t appreciate that someone thought I could be bought that way – not cool. Secondly, had he been honest I would have gladly helped him out. I didn’t have an agenda when it came to him anyways – LOL. In other words, don’t waste people’s time with fancy lines, false promises, and things you think they want to hear. At this stage of life it’s a time robber and personally, my time is precious.
Mother Theresa pic was a nice touch right? LOL. Ok, so many of you may be thinking I’m venting. Well, I kind of am but not because I feel I’ve recently been hurt or anything, primarily because after observing these interactions of people in relationships for the last six-eight months – I’m talking seriously observing and taking notes – I am just really tired of seeing and reading about people getting hurt by one another. I’m also not impressed with being approached by men who do not value the importance of honesty, transparency and clarity. Here’s a personal example. I am approached by someone and here is what I say: I’M NOT DATING OR WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW. I’M GOOD ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW. I’M CONCENTRATING ON ME, MY KIDS AND BUSINESS RIGHT NOW. See how easy honesty, clarity, and transparency can be? So here is a clear example, if I say I don’t want to date, then don’t pursue me thinking I will change my mind. You will be wasting your time AND your feelings might get hurt? Not because I will hurt them, but because you have spent so much time trying to get me to change my mind with no luck. Y’all know I love you but we have to listen to the words people say and take them at face value.
WHAT IF we decided that when we met someone we were straight honest with them and allowed them to make an informed decision as to whether or not they wanted to move forward with us? I know, a scary proposition right? They may not like us if we show our true colors. Here’s the thing – those colors are going to come out. Yes, we are on our best behavior in the beginning of any new relationship, but we can be on our best behavior and still be honest. If the person we want decides to stop things – then that’s cool. Out of the billions of people in this world, that one person is not going to make or break your world. It may hurt but you will get over it – trust me I know what I’m talking about. A friend of mine said to me – “If people could be honest with one another in the beginning of a relationship, and that person decides that even after hearing the intentions of their pursuer they want to carry on, then both people have clarity of what to expect and can’t accuse anyone of lying to them later”. Ladies! Men! Listen to what is being told to you. Don’t think you can change anyone. Be purposeful in your actions and make informed decisions. Basically, in the end, let’s try to be kind to one another and treat eachother with respect and love. Sermon over (mic drop).
Now that I have you thinking, let’s get to laughing. Enjoy the video!
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