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Separate Fact from Fiction

Do you know someone or perhaps you yourself are the self-proclaimed victim of the absolute statements that our inner bullies love to say?  Bully statements include these words:  never, can’t, always, hate, wouldn’t, couldn’t.  Here’s the thing, if you say phrases such as “I never do anything right” or “I always mess up”, then your brain will start to believe you and you will more often than not fulfill what it is you are saying about yourself.  You are giving your inner bully power.

These types of absolute statements are simply what I call pieces of fiction because they simply are not true.  I will prove it to you.  Please grab a piece of paper.  Draw a line down the middle.  Now, think of the statement that you made, for example let’s use the statement “I always mess up.”  Think of the reasons/examples where you have in fact messed up (just so you know it is normal to mess up sometimes – it’s how we learn the greatest lessons) and write them down on one side of your paper.  Once you have done that, I now want you to think of a few examples where you have NOT messed up and write them on the other side of your paper.  If you can think of ONE thing, then you have already disproved your absolute statement and proven that it is in fact, fiction.

In doing this exercise did you find it easier and faster to think of the negative stuff before the positive stuff?  If you answered yes, don’t worry.  It’s normal.  Research and science will tell us that the way our brains work, we will remember the negative faster than we will remember the positive.  For this reason, it can take a little longer to pull out the positive, however, if we train our brains to think of the positive and concentrate on the positive (on the wins) more than the negatives/losses, the speed at which we think of our positive attributes will get faster.  If you need some help, maybe get the opinion of a trusted friend, colleague or family member.  The operative word here is TRUSTED.

Separating fact from fiction is one way that we Slay our Inner Bully.  We are going to talk about other ways to overcome that inner bully on Friday, January 12, 2018 at 11:30am EST.   You can watch live at www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

One more thing!

I need you to know that even though I suggest you focus on your wins it is so important to understand your losses.  We really cannot afford to dismiss them.  To understand why you did not succeed at something is important so that you can do better the next time.  This time of reflection is not to beat yourself up but more to learn and grow from the situation.

You got this!  #SlayYourDay

#SlayYourDay

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Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
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Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

 

Relationship 101

I’m never going to pretend to be a relationship expert in my own life.  My stories are so dramatic they would make great soap opera scripts.  However, I’m incredibly observant and objective when it comes to the relationships of others.  Interesting huh?  Actually, I was speaking to a doctor of psychology once about this very subject and he said, it is very common for those who teach to teach amazingly well but not use that same objectivity in their own lives.  Hmmmmmmm.  Interesting.

So you know me, I won’t take that as a definitive answer.  I just had to prove him wrong.  I can apply my skills with clients to myself if I am purposeful about it.    So I started to observe and scrutinize my own personal relationships and do a bit more observing of the relationships around me.  People, I’ve got to say, we all need to take a step back and RELAX.

Today I wanted to post a cute and funny video on facebook with my Top Ten Most Romantic Date ideas.  In posting that, I wanted to get a message across about how we treat one another in personal, intimate relationships.  I promise not to get too preachy, but this really has to be said.

I have observed friends, colleagues, fb acquaintances, family members, clients and even myself become utterly confused when it comes to relationships.  I’ve watched and experienced tears and pain from rejection, being taken advantage of and broken hearts.  Here’s the thing luvs, relationships really are not complicated if you go into it with three things – honesty, transparency, and kindness.  If you do what you’re supposed to do, and a time comes when you have to walk away, you can do so with a clear conscious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Too often, too many people see someone they want to get to know on an intimate level.  They have a preconceived idea of what that person is like and then they act accordingly to try to win favor with that person.  What if we all made the decision to just be ourselves.  What if we decided that if our personalities just are not good enough for the person we want to impress, then we simply move on?  What would happen if we did that?  I mean, isn’t it better than creating a back story for yourself and making yourself more than you actually are only to have to create a lie to support the lie later.  Eventually the truth is going to come out anyways, so why not be upfront and honest from the beginning.  There’s this old saying that says, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Here is where I’m at in life.  If you are going to enter someone’s life, make your impression honest and positive.  It’s simple and in this case EASY!  See here’s the thing, you do not know what mess or craziness has gone on in another person’s life.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE MADNESS!  I’m being so serious now.  In all you choose to do from here on out choose to be a contributor of positivity, honesty, transparency, and clarity.  Your past is the past you cannot change it.  You can, however, make a conscious decision on how to proceed right after reading this blog.  How?  BE YOURSELF.  If you are interested in someone because you think they have a lot to offer just tell them that.  If you are not interested in someone but you need something from them just tell them that.  I’m laughing right now because I recently had a situation where a guy tried to get romantically involved with me because I guess he thought if I was interested in him I’d help him out with something he needed.  First – I don’t appreciate that someone thought I could be bought that way – not cool.  Secondly, had he been honest I would have gladly helped him out.  I didn’t have an agenda when it came to him anyways – LOL.  In other words, don’t waste people’s time with fancy lines, false promises, and things you think they want to hear.  At this stage of life it’s a time robber and personally, my time is precious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Mother Theresa pic was a nice touch right?  LOL.  Ok, so many of you may be thinking I’m venting.  Well, I kind of am but not because I feel I’ve recently been hurt or anything, primarily because after observing these interactions of people in relationships for the last six-eight months – I’m talking seriously observing and taking notes – I am just really tired of seeing and reading about people getting hurt by one another.  I’m also not impressed with being approached by men who do not value the importance of honesty, transparency and clarity.  Here’s a personal example.  I am approached by someone and here is what I say:  I’M NOT DATING OR WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW.  I’M GOOD ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW.  I’M CONCENTRATING ON ME, MY KIDS AND BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.  See how easy honesty, clarity, and transparency can be?  So here is a clear example, if I say I don’t want to date, then don’t pursue me thinking I will change my mind.  You will be wasting your time AND your feelings might get hurt?  Not because I will hurt them, but because you have spent so much time trying to get me to change my mind with no luck.  Y’all know I love you but we have to listen to the words people say and take them at face value.

WHAT IF we decided that when we met someone we were straight honest with them and allowed them to make an informed decision as to whether or not they wanted to move forward with us? I know, a scary proposition right?  They may not like us if we show our true colors.  Here’s the thing – those colors are going to come out.  Yes, we are on our best behavior in the beginning of any new relationship, but we can be on our best behavior and still be honest.  If the person we want decides to stop things – then that’s cool. Out of the billions of people in this world, that one person is not going to make or break your world. It may hurt but you will get over it – trust me I know what I’m talking about. A friend of mine said to me – “If people could be honest with one another in the beginning of a relationship, and that person decides that even after hearing the intentions of their pursuer they want to carry on, then both people have clarity of what to expect and can’t accuse anyone of lying to them later”.  Ladies!  Men!  Listen to what is being told to you.  Don’t think you can change anyone.  Be purposeful in your actions and make informed decisions.  Basically, in the end, let’s try to be kind to one another and treat eachother with respect and love.  Sermon over  (mic drop).

Now that I have you thinking, let’s get to laughing.  Enjoy the video!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

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Word of the Day Wednesday – LOVE

Did you enjoy your day yesterday? February 14th is known as the day of love and so of course our Word of the Day Wednesday is LOVE!

Love:  An intense feeling of deep affection

Now, we all know about romantic love (or at least we’ve heard and watched it on every other movie Hollywood puts out there), and we know about the love for a child or a parent, BUT do you love the most important person in your life?  Do you love you?

This wise book has an excerpt that says “Love your neighbour as yourself”, meaning that we need to treat people the way we would treat ourselves and care about people the way we would care about ourselves. Can I be perfectly honest with you?  I think one of the major problems that we have here on this Earth today is that we are not loving ourselves and it is surely showing in how we treat others. I would argue that we are treating people as we treat ourselves. We have fallen out of love with the most important person in our lives – ourselves!

Some people would say that we have become a very  selfish Society.  Maybe even a very narcissistic Society.  But have you stopped to wonder why?  With people wanting to harm themselves because they didn’t get as much likes on facebook as the next person, there is something wrong!  Why does outside validation mean so much?  When are we going to be ok with self validation?  When?

Do me a favor and at least start to think about what I’m saying here.  Start to love yourself.  Take time for yourself, treat yourself kindly by saying and thinking positive things about yourself, get enough sleep, surround yourself with positive people – LOVE YOURSELF! You can do this, I believe you can. Do you?  Start with this – look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive.  Do it now.  Start that love thang and SLAY it with passion!

SLAY your day!  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Word of the Day – SLAY

When I went to look up the meaning of the word “Slay” some of the definitions were not what I wanted to represent UNTIL I came to this definition:

Slay: To succeed in something amazing

 

So I have decided that my new slogan is this – SLAY your day.  Why?  Because I want you to succeed at everything you do during your day.  Slay it.  You know you can.  If you need some help learning how to become a true slayer contact me.  It’s what I do!  I would be honored to go on your journey to ultimate success with you.

 

 

SLAY your day.  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

Jen’s Top 10 Romantic Date Ideas !

The big day is coming!  You know the one – VALENTINES!!  Some people love it, some people hate it, and some people could care less.  No matter where you fall on the Valentine’s feelings spectrum, it is always good to know what is considered to be a romantic date.  You just never know when you are going to need to know.  So, I’ve helped you out.  Enjoy my top 10 romantic date ideas!  Make sure to comment after the video and let me know what your romantic date ideas are.

 

Enjoy and remember comment below and tell me about a romantic date idea.  Remember, SLAY your day!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

Renovations of the Mind

When we think about renovations, we think about taking something as it is and renewing it, updating it, or changing it to make it newer, fresher, and more appealing right?  Well, if you’ve been watching me for a while, I had a series of posts about my recent experience with renovating my basement.  The whole reason I wanted to renovate it was to have a really cool, safe, and warm space for my boys to play and hang out.  A ‘boy-cave’!  What we found when renovations started was surprising.  When walls came down, there was evidence of major past issues.  It delayed the process by weeks.  It ended up costing more than expected and there were times where I literally wanted to scream.  But you know what?  Now, the basement is a BEAUTIFUL space and I’m so thankful we went through it.  In my posts I would equate my renovation process to the renovation of our minds.  Check them out.

Basement Renovations

Posted by Jennifer Slay on Saturday, November 26, 2016

 

Renovating our minds is necessary sometimes.  We have to change the old thoughts for new thoughts so that we can grow.

Renovations part two

Posted by Jennifer Slay on Sunday, December 4, 2016

 

Sometimes when we go through changing our mindset, we are blessed with amazing blessings but it can take a bit more work than expected.  It could end up being a bit more work than expected and we may want to give up.  But keep the goal in the forefront of your mind.  Keep the vision in front of you.  You got this!

 

https://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary/videos/375774596107770/

So you are making progress with your renovations.  You are starting to feel good and you are finding that you are more energized and thinking more clear and then BOOM!  Hit with a roadblock.  Something has come up that you were not expecting and you have to get through it.  Keep the goal and vision in the forefront of your mind.  Take care of yourself and keep moving forward.

https://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary/videos/392347794450450/

 

The inconveniences, the extra cost, the craziness WAS ALL WORTH IT!  We now have a beautiful space and have come to the finish line.  When we are in the process of renovating our minds it is VERY likely that we are going to encounter issues we were not planning to come across.  Unexpected pitfalls happen but don’t let it stop you!  Persevere.  The end result is AMAZING.

SLAY your day!  Believe in you.

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

 

Top Ten Fear Busters

Fear can suck.  It can really suck.  But it doesn’t have to.  Check out my Top Ten Fear Busters to kick it right in the @$$!

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

Remember to subscribe!

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Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

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Being an Adult is…You Finish the Sentence

What is your coping technique?  When things happen that get you down how do you cope?  I’m really wondering.  When a relationship ends, or a friend hurts you – what do you do?  When a business deal falls through or your kids do something to frustrate the h#@& out of you – what do you do?  Ladies, when you go in the closet and find that nothing fits anymore – what do you do?  It’s during these times that you really find out if you are the glass half full or glass half empty type of person.
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Deal with it!!

I’m reading this book about your EQ  not to be confused with your IQ (EQ is your emotional intelligence).  The book talks about being aware of your emotions and how you manage them.  It discusses specifically being self aware, being able to self-manage, being socially aware, and managing relationships.  Like most people, I have room to improve in all areas.  I am very aware that I can come across as very strong willed (stubborn as my ex-husband would likely say – lol), abrasive (honesty is the best policy in my books), and impatient (low tolerance for ignorance).  HOWEVER, I am also very aware that I have a very deep love and passion for people’s success.  I am determined to help people reach their full potential, and I do not apologize for it.  Sometimes in order to help someone, being really nice and sweet does not work.  Let me ask you something.  Have you had a bad habit that you’ve tried to break over, and over, and over again?  And you just can’t break it?  In some cases, it wasn’t until someone confronted you with it that you really took notice and made a decision to change right?  That could have been a friend, an acquaintance, a business associate, and even sometimes yourself!  Let me give you an example.
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