Hope in the Face of Hopelessness

It can be absolutely amazing to work with people with the intent of helping to improve their quality of life through the manner in which they think.  It can also be absolutely exhausting – lol.  I’ve spent nearly two decades helping people take a look at their situation and try to help them view it in a different light.  I’ve tried to really encourage people and show people that what they see in front of them right now does not have to be what they see in front of them six months from now.  What I have found is that sometimes people are not ready for change for whatever reason – it could be because they are comfortable in their discomfort, they don’t know a different way or, most often, they don’t believe their situation can change.  They have this deep rooted sense of hopelessness.

Image result for hope pics

Last week I had an opportunity to speak at an event about hope in the face of hopelessness.  I provided the individuals in my breakout session with three key ways to grow their hope muscle.  However, before I share that with you, I want you to know that in my experience there is only one main difference between a person with hope and a person who is feeling hopeless.  Let me explain in the form of the three F’s.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless feel FEAR.  In other words, there is not a person on the planet that does not experience that feeling of fear at some point in their lives.  It could be fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of change – no matter what the cause of the fear we all experience it.  BUT the person with hope has a belief that the situation will change and will feel the fear and will press forward.  The person who feels hopeless, may also feel the situation can change but they’ve allowed the fear to paralyze them and feel as though they can’t move forward.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless feels FRUSTRATION.  We tend to feel frustrated when things do not go our way.  We feel especially frustrated when we take chances or risks and they do not succeed or turn out the way we imagined.  We tend to feel frustrated when people disappoint us and do not follow through with what they say they’re going to do.  We tend to feel frustrated when we find ourselves in the same situation over and over again and know in our hearts that things need to change but we don’t know how to change them.  In other words, we all feel frustration sometimes.  BUT the person with hope has a belief that the situation will change and eventually something will have to give and the frustration will subside.  They will look for opportunities to help create the change.  The person who feels hopeless may also feel the situation can change but they are so entrenched in the feelings of frustration, it has stopped them from believing anything else is possible.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experiences FAILURE.  A common definition of failure is that we do not get the expected result we want.  That is a simple definition.  Did you know that sometimes that can be a blessing though?  Did you know that sometimes when things don’t pan out the way we expect them to there is a lesson to be learned to help propel us even further?  At some point, we all have experienced some level of failure in our lives.  BUT the person with hope has the belief that they can learn from the situation and try again.  The person who feels hopeless sees failure as yet another acknowledgement that they are not good enough, or confirmation that they are not able to succeed.

So what is the common denominator here?  Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experience, fear, frustration and failure.  Both have a belief that things could possibly change.  The main difference is that the person with hope puts action behind the belief/hope.  A person who is feeling hopeless does not or feels they cannot make changes to their situation.  I must remind you, the law of physics says that change is inevitable – nothing can remain the same.  The only constant in life is change.  If you can start with that belief, that can be your first step to building the hope muscle.

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Please do not think that I am shaming anyone or blaming anyone for their situation.  That is not my intent.  My intent here is to show you that the one of the main differences between a person with hope and the person who feels hopeless is that belief/hope in action.  There are MANY reasons as to why a person may be feeling hopeless and feels they are not able to get out of their situation.  I’m not minimizing that many people who are feeling hopeless have a number of other things going on in their lives that feed into the hopelessness like mental health concerns for example.  However, I am saying that with the right supports and by implementing F.A.D. you can strengthen that hope muscle.

What is F.A.D.?

Focus on the positive

Adopt an attitude of gratitude

Daily Affirmations

Before this blog post turns into a book I’m going to stop here.  HOWEVER, if you come back next week, I will expand on F.A.D. and show you exactly what you need to do in order to grow the hope muscle and turn from someone who feels hopeless to a person with hope.  BUT if you really need expansion on this RIGHT NOW contact me and I will elaborate.  Y’all know I love you!  You got this!

Believing in you,

J

I know that our mood plays a huge role in our feelings of hope and hopelessness so please check out this video on ten ways to help enhance your mood.

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

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The Real Deal in Learning to Finesse Your Life

Finesse – to be skillful in managing a sensitive situation.  What situation could be more sensitive than your life?  We only have the one life and a friend of mine said to me once – Life is short but the longest thing we’ll ever do.  Better enjoy it right?  That has forever stuck with me.  Life does seem to quickly go by.  Especially as I get older, time seems to be flying!  I mean, it will be Christmas in less than five months!  It seems like we just celebrated Christmas a few weeks ago!

 

In all seriousness though, here’s my thing, it is possible to live life all haphazard like, meaning, it is possible to just live and let things happen as they may.  But that is like playing poker.  If you’re lucky then you may get the result you want and if you’re unlucky then you’ll get some results you don’t want.  All in all, you just take things as they come.  I mean, you can live life really laissez fair if you want to but I choose to live life with purpose and direction.  There are pros and cons to both but as you have likely guessed, I’m for team finessing your life.

 

Like anything in life, I believe that there is a time and a place for letting things happen vs creating a plan, executing the plan, learning from the execution and then living off the fruits.  I know I make this seem simple, and in reality it is fairly simple but that does not mean it is easy.  There is an art to the creation and execution of the plan.  Let me share with you four steps that I think are vital for this to happen:

  1. Determine what you want the end result to be.  What is your objective?  In the end, who do you want impacted?  The answers to these questions may change along the way, but to go in knowing the answers to these questions will at least give you a blue print to what you are doing and will allow you to accomplish step #2.
  2. Build your team. Nothing is done in isolation.  As much as we want to admire the people who say I built this empire/accomplished this goal all by myself – it’s not true.  I guarantee you that there was help along the way.  Whether that help was simply in support and motivation or actual hands in the pot helping to stir, someone helped along the way.  When you are building your team, remember to choose members that are strong where you are weak, who are not afraid to tell you the truth, and who operate in integrity.
  3. Be courageous. With accomplishing any goal, you will need to be ok with taking risks.  I’m not talking about having to take HUGE risks, but risks that are going to push you out of your comfort zone.  Risks that will make you stretch.  Be smart, but be courageous.
  4. Most importantly believe. This is your dream.  You have to believe it.  Your belief and determination to accomplish the dream will be what rallies your troops.  This belief will be what gets you going when you feel like quitting.  You have to believe that your dream is possible and then go for it!

What I’ve shared with you are the beginning steps to the creation and execution of the plan.  Believe me when I say there is more to each of these steps.  However, these four steps or strategies will get you started.  Know what you want, bring on people to help accomplish what you want, be willing to take risks to get what you want, and most importantly believe in what you want.  This is how you Finesse Your Life.  You are strategic in the moves you make to accomplish what you want.  and carefully/purposefully manage the moving parts to propel you forward.  You got this!

I believe in you,

J

P.S. Having an accountability partner or a coach can help you to accomplish the above.  Check out this video re. why a coach is important and how to select a good one!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

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Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Mental Health – Helping to Lessen the Stigma

Over the last few years mental health awareness has been on the rise with the hope that the more we talk about it the less stigma there is on the issue.  With big companies like Bell Canada making their initiatives nationwide it certainly is helping.

Mental Health is one of the if not the most judged condition that I know of.  Having worked in the social service field for nearly twenty years, I will admit that when I was doing front line child protection, my least favorite cases were those that involved impaired mental health.  Let me explain.  I am a really good negotiator and reasoner.  I can go into a very heated situation and help to calm it down and come to a shared understanding.  I am pretty gifted with that.  But when you are trying to reason with someone who does not have the capacity to reason and a child’s well being is at stake it can sometimes feel that you are forced to punish one of the victims in the situation – the parent/caregiver.  I have to tell you, it was not the greatest feeling for anyone involved.

Impaired mental health is like a disease.  The stigma should be no different then if someone was diagnosed with cancer, the flu, or dermatitis.  There are treatments but no cure for those conditions right?  Well, depression, bi-polar disorder and anxiety are also conditions where there are treatments but no cures.  The effects can be equally as devastating.

The brain is a very complex organ.  Doctors and scientists are making huge strides everyday and the research is showing that many mental health diagnoses are due to chemical imbalances within the brain.  It is still not fully understood but as mentioned, doctors and scientists are learning more and more everyday.

As I mentioned above, big companies such as Bell have started initiatives in increase awareness, but it’s not only the big companies that are doing things to help educate and make the public aware.  There are people locally like my friend, Nicolle Stevenson, who are doing things right here in our own backyard to help  make a difference for people impacted by impaired mental health.

On August 13, 2017 Nicolle’s event, The MAMA (Mothers Advocating Mental Awareness) Project will be hosting an event to support, educate and encourage mamas who are on a journey to mental wellness.  Nicolle has advised that mental illness will affect 1 in 3 Canadians in their lifetime and the MAMA project was created to walk alongside those who need a hand along the way.  I will be a speaker at this event and I’m honored to be there to help.

It will be a great day.  Please plan to join us if you are in the London, ON area.  If you are not in the area, consider making a donation whether it be in volunteering information, supporting the members in the private group, or making a donation.  https://www.facebook.com/theMAMAprojectcanada/

See you there!  In the meantime, check out the video that Nicolle and I created with the help of Andrew Stephenson from Shake Media where we talk about our top ten tips to help take care of your mental wellness.

 

 

Believing in you always,

Jen

#SlayYourDay

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

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Living Your Truth

When you hear the phrase “Live your truth” what does that mean to you?  For me, it means being your authentic self no matter what other people may think, say, or do.  But what happens when you don’t really know who you are anymore?  What happens when you have lived your life being who you are expected to be and doing for others that you no longer know who you actually are?  It’s weird to think that you don’t know yourself but so many of us do just that – walk around like we got it all together when in actuality we don’t even know who we are!

The other day I asked a client, what are things that you like to do?  What puts a smile on your face?  After some thought the response was – “I don’t know”.  See, she had spent so much time doing and achieving that the time to simply just be was lost resulting in her no longer knowing the basics of herself.  And she’s not alone.  I remember a friend of mine asking me the same question a while back and I could not answer him.  I could not say what I enjoyed doing.  You would think it would be an easy question to answer and the answer would come as easy as it is to breathe air.  But no, not for all of us.  So while we think we are being authentic and living in our truth, we are actually living in the truths of others because we don’t know what our own truths are.  Hmmmm…

This is not to shame anyone or point fingers.  In fact, the point of this is to get you thinking about who you are and who you want to be.  My personal strength is helping people to ask themselves the hard questions to get them to face the reality of who they are.  Then I help and support them to continue to be who they are if they choose, but more often their choice is that I  help and support them to become who they want to be – a person of purpose, a person who serves, a person who is genuinely happy from the inside.  Please keep in mind that feeling happy and being happy are two different things.  I help you to BE happy.  It’s a journey but it’s a good journey to be on.

Now, in any journey that we go on, it is so important to equip ourselves with the right travel tools.  If you’re going on a hike maybe you need sunscreen?  Maybe you need snacks and drinks?  Maybe you need a map?  Well, when we are going on a journey of self-discovery many of us will need some support and it is really important to know where that support is coming from.  I’m an advocate of coaches and counselors.  I believe they can help guide and navigate through some of the rough patches whether it be in our life, our business, or whatever else you may need some support to achieve the level of success that you want. To find the right coach/counselor for you, there are some questions that you should ask and maybe even some research to do.  Check out the video below to understand why a coach is valuable and more importantly, what to look for in the right coach for you!

Thank you to Jenna Goodhand for joining me to help you determine why you may need a coach and what to look for in a coach.

Enjoy the video and leave a comment.  We would love to know your thoughts and read any suggestions you may have that may help someone reading this today.

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Remember to subscribe!

Slay Your Day!

Believing in you,

Jen

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

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website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Word of the Day Wednesday – LOVE

Did you enjoy your day yesterday? February 14th is known as the day of love and so of course our Word of the Day Wednesday is LOVE!

Love:  An intense feeling of deep affection

Now, we all know about romantic love (or at least we’ve heard and watched it on every other movie Hollywood puts out there), and we know about the love for a child or a parent, BUT do you love the most important person in your life?  Do you love you?

This wise book has an excerpt that says “Love your neighbour as yourself”, meaning that we need to treat people the way we would treat ourselves and care about people the way we would care about ourselves. Can I be perfectly honest with you?  I think one of the major problems that we have here on this Earth today is that we are not loving ourselves and it is surely showing in how we treat others. I would argue that we are treating people as we treat ourselves. We have fallen out of love with the most important person in our lives – ourselves!

Some people would say that we have become a very  selfish Society.  Maybe even a very narcissistic Society.  But have you stopped to wonder why?  With people wanting to harm themselves because they didn’t get as much likes on facebook as the next person, there is something wrong!  Why does outside validation mean so much?  When are we going to be ok with self validation?  When?

Do me a favor and at least start to think about what I’m saying here.  Start to love yourself.  Take time for yourself, treat yourself kindly by saying and thinking positive things about yourself, get enough sleep, surround yourself with positive people – LOVE YOURSELF! You can do this, I believe you can. Do you?  Start with this – look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive.  Do it now.  Start that love thang and SLAY it with passion!

SLAY your day!  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Word of the Day – SLAY

When I went to look up the meaning of the word “Slay” some of the definitions were not what I wanted to represent UNTIL I came to this definition:

Slay: To succeed in something amazing

 

So I have decided that my new slogan is this – SLAY your day.  Why?  Because I want you to succeed at everything you do during your day.  Slay it.  You know you can.  If you need some help learning how to become a true slayer contact me.  It’s what I do!  I would be honored to go on your journey to ultimate success with you.

 

 

SLAY your day.  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

Jen’s Top 10 Romantic Date Ideas !

The big day is coming!  You know the one – VALENTINES!!  Some people love it, some people hate it, and some people could care less.  No matter where you fall on the Valentine’s feelings spectrum, it is always good to know what is considered to be a romantic date.  You just never know when you are going to need to know.  So, I’ve helped you out.  Enjoy my top 10 romantic date ideas!  Make sure to comment after the video and let me know what your romantic date ideas are.

 

Enjoy and remember comment below and tell me about a romantic date idea.  Remember, SLAY your day!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

Renovations of the Mind

When we think about renovations, we think about taking something as it is and renewing it, updating it, or changing it to make it newer, fresher, and more appealing right?  Well, if you’ve been watching me for a while, I had a series of posts about my recent experience with renovating my basement.  The whole reason I wanted to renovate it was to have a really cool, safe, and warm space for my boys to play and hang out.  A ‘boy-cave’!  What we found when renovations started was surprising.  When walls came down, there was evidence of major past issues.  It delayed the process by weeks.  It ended up costing more than expected and there were times where I literally wanted to scream.  But you know what?  Now, the basement is a BEAUTIFUL space and I’m so thankful we went through it.  In my posts I would equate my renovation process to the renovation of our minds.  Check them out.

Basement Renovations

Posted by Jennifer Slay on Saturday, November 26, 2016

 

Renovating our minds is necessary sometimes.  We have to change the old thoughts for new thoughts so that we can grow.

Renovations part two

Posted by Jennifer Slay on Sunday, December 4, 2016

 

Sometimes when we go through changing our mindset, we are blessed with amazing blessings but it can take a bit more work than expected.  It could end up being a bit more work than expected and we may want to give up.  But keep the goal in the forefront of your mind.  Keep the vision in front of you.  You got this!

 

https://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary/videos/375774596107770/

So you are making progress with your renovations.  You are starting to feel good and you are finding that you are more energized and thinking more clear and then BOOM!  Hit with a roadblock.  Something has come up that you were not expecting and you have to get through it.  Keep the goal and vision in the forefront of your mind.  Take care of yourself and keep moving forward.

https://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary/videos/392347794450450/

 

The inconveniences, the extra cost, the craziness WAS ALL WORTH IT!  We now have a beautiful space and have come to the finish line.  When we are in the process of renovating our minds it is VERY likely that we are going to encounter issues we were not planning to come across.  Unexpected pitfalls happen but don’t let it stop you!  Persevere.  The end result is AMAZING.

SLAY your day!  Believe in you.

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Jen

 

Kindness – Word of the Day Wednesday

Be the change you want to see in the world – Ghandi

The definition of kindness according to google is:

“the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate”.

But let me ask you something?  Are these not the attributes we teach young children and young adults to exhibit on a daily basis?  Don’t we encourage our young people to be friendly?  Don’t we advise them to show generosity and be considerate of other people’s feelings.  I’m sure we tell this to them.  Those young people grow up to be big people at which point we somehow start to celebrate “random acts of kindness”.

kindness-post

I’m trying to understand the disconnect between being a young person and a not as young person – lol.  Where did this term come from?  In case you missed the live post on fb live, here it is again:

https://www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary/videos/397824580569438/

There really should be no purpose for a random act of kindness, nor should there be reason to celebrate it.  The mere term implies that the norm is to be unkind or indifferent.  MY mission – YOUR mission, should you choose to accept it is this – Purposefully live your life in kindness.  Purposefully do things every week, every day, or even every hour that are friendly, generous, and/or considerate.  Become kind don’t just ACT kind.  If at least half of us who are reading this blog post right now made the decision to make kindness a way of life, then the explosion of positivity that would happen in our world would be amazing.  Don’t believe me?  Try it.  Prove me wrong.  I beg you.

You can do and be anything you want in this life.  Choose to be kind.  Believe in yourself.

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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Top Ten Fear Busters

Fear can suck.  It can really suck.  But it doesn’t have to.  Check out my Top Ten Fear Busters to kick it right in the @$$!

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

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