Separate Fact from Fiction

Do you know someone or perhaps you yourself are the self-proclaimed victim of the absolute statements that our inner bullies love to say?  Bully statements include these words:  never, can’t, always, hate, wouldn’t, couldn’t.  Here’s the thing, if you say phrases such as “I never do anything right” or “I always mess up”, then your brain will start to believe you and you will more often than not fulfill what it is you are saying about yourself.  You are giving your inner bully power.

These types of absolute statements are simply what I call pieces of fiction because they simply are not true.  I will prove it to you.  Please grab a piece of paper.  Draw a line down the middle.  Now, think of the statement that you made, for example let’s use the statement “I always mess up.”  Think of the reasons/examples where you have in fact messed up (just so you know it is normal to mess up sometimes – it’s how we learn the greatest lessons) and write them down on one side of your paper.  Once you have done that, I now want you to think of a few examples where you have NOT messed up and write them on the other side of your paper.  If you can think of ONE thing, then you have already disproved your absolute statement and proven that it is in fact, fiction.

In doing this exercise did you find it easier and faster to think of the negative stuff before the positive stuff?  If you answered yes, don’t worry.  It’s normal.  Research and science will tell us that the way our brains work, we will remember the negative faster than we will remember the positive.  For this reason, it can take a little longer to pull out the positive, however, if we train our brains to think of the positive and concentrate on the positive (on the wins) more than the negatives/losses, the speed at which we think of our positive attributes will get faster.  If you need some help, maybe get the opinion of a trusted friend, colleague or family member.  The operative word here is TRUSTED.

Separating fact from fiction is one way that we Slay our Inner Bully.  We are going to talk about other ways to overcome that inner bully on Friday, January 12, 2018 at 11:30am EST.   You can watch live at www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

One more thing!

I need you to know that even though I suggest you focus on your wins it is so important to understand your losses.  We really cannot afford to dismiss them.  To understand why you did not succeed at something is important so that you can do better the next time.  This time of reflection is not to beat yourself up but more to learn and grow from the situation.

You got this!  #SlayYourDay

#SlayYourDay

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Remember to subscribe!  

We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
http://ow.ly/ipjk30eUSXU
Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

 

Fear. Dreams. Opportunity.

Setting goals can sometimes feel like a chore and sometimes we will find everything else to do (procrastinate) so that we don’t have to actually set them.  Why we do this?  I could get into the psychology behind it but ultimately, many of us get comfortable in our discomfort and don’t want to disrupt the flow that’s not serving us well.  So we do nothing.

photo credit: Jasmina Photography

But let me ask you something.  How does it feel when you accomplish a goal?  Especially one that you had in the back of your mind but never really made a plan for it to happen?  That happened to me last year when I was asked to be a dancer in Dancing with the Easter Seals Stars.  Turns out that this event was like one of the highlights of my life.  I know, sounds dramatic, but it was an experience of a lifetime!

I have always been a fan of the TV show Dancing with the Stars and I ALWAYS felt like I wanted to be a dancer.  However, I will have to admit, gracefulness and Jen Slay are not words that are often put in the same sentence.  I remember a time when I was in highschool when I was walking through Centerspot (a place where all the grade 12s/Seniors hung out) and I just fell.  No reason.  I just fell.  I had tripped over my own feet.  I can still hear the laughter and screams of shock the seniors made towards me – a ninth grader.  I can actually laugh about it 25yrs later.  I remember another time – actually a multitude of times – where I will be walking with my boys and I will stumble.  No reason.  I just trip myself.  My eldest tells me I walk too fast but I’m a woman with a mission (most days) and have somewhere to be!  So, like I wrote, gracefulness is not a word to describe me.  But I would dream of being a dancer on this show.  Literally, I’d dream it and visualize it and feel it.  Then – IT HAPPENED.

One day I got a call from the organizer, Stace, of the Easter Seals fundraiser called Dancing with the Easter Seals Stars.  Easter Seals is a charity that works with physically disabled children to help them experience the joys of life that most of us able bodied people take for granted.  Here’s a link – check it out:  But back to the story.  Stace said “Jen, we think you’d make a fabulous dancer and a great addition to the cast for this event we’re putting on.”  Now, I can see why she’d say that.  I’m a great actress.  Most people THINK that I’m well poised and graceful.  Only my immediate family knows the truth.  Well, and now all of you!  But anyways,  I immediately started to laugh when Stace said this to me because I know that I stumble and fall with no provocation.  Then Stace, likely sensing my hesitation and hearing my laughter, said, “I’m serious”.   I stopped laughing.   I had to give this some thought.  It was one thing to know that I’m a little clumsy but a whole other thing to provide evidence to a group of people that I didn’t know that I am not as “poised” as I let on to be.  However, Stace is persistent – which is why she is good at what she does.  And I agreed to be part of the show!

Can I just say that this was the BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.

For three months I was trained by a professional dancer.  I learned grace and poise.  I trained hard and developed a deeper appreciation for what I was capable of doing.  I learned to trust my coach.  I relearned that with a goal in mind, hard work, trust, and belief, ANYTHING is possible.   I became my own biggest fan because I was pretty damn proud of myself for pulling off a waltz and a Chacha – WITHOUT FALLING OR TRIPPING!  And when I danced, it was magical.  I’ve attached the link to the home video my son took of me dancing.  It was something that I will always treasure.

So you may be asking – What does any of this have to do with goals?

Well, here’s the thing.  I am committed to helping others while uplifting myself and providing individuals with tools and strategies to empower themselves.  That’s who I am.  It’s what I do.  But I want us all to remember a few things.  Setting goals is more than just figuring out what you want and creating a plan to make it happen.  It is also about being aware of the opportunities as they present themselves.  It is about taking a pause when situations come up to think about how the situation could further you along and potentially meet a goal/dream you have tucked away in your brain.  It is about dreaming.  My experience with Dancing with the Easter Seals Stars allowed me to help a worthy cause while fulfilling a dream that I had tucked away in the back of my brain.   It was a win-win.  But I almost missed it because my immediate reaction was to say no out of fear of looking silly.

What are you worried about/scared of/apprehensive about that is making you say no to opportunities that could potentially enrich your life in ways you can’t even imagine?  You may want to rethink your position and actually go for it.  It may change your life.

While you’re thinking, this blog is also to ask you to support this year’s Dancing with the Easter Seals Stars on September 29, 2017.  I will be there – not dancing though – but I’d love to spend the evening with you!  The poster is below.  Check it out and get your tickets today!  If you are not able to make it then please share the poster.  We want this to be the best year yet and we need your help to make that a reality.

If you have any trouble getting through for tickets let me know and I’ll hook you up with the organizer – Stace.  She’s great!  See you on the 29th!

Love and belief in you always,

Jen

Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to the YouTube channel.  Fun stuff happening this fall!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

 
Want to hang out with me 365 days a year?  Check out the Finesse Your Life Journal.  This journal will help you to focus on gratitude, see yourself in a positive light, and allow you to totally and completely express yourself with no judgement.  https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Journal-Jennifer/dp/197431720X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504891247&sr=8-1&keywords=finesse+your+life+journal
P.P.S I was a featured author in Dreaming Big Being Bold and made the International Best Selling Author status.  Message me at info@jenslay.com to get your copy today!
http://ow.ly/ipjk30eUSXU
Dreaming Big Being Bold 3: Inspiring Stories From Visionaries, Trailblazers & Change Makers by [Morand, Paula, Craig, Victoria]

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

This is MY experience

In a time of racial tension in the USA and around the world, when I get into conversations about race and discrimination well-meaning friends and acquaintances will often say to me – “Jen, when I see you, I don’t see color.  When I see you I just see you and love you for who you are”   When I hear that, I get it.  I understand.  They are trying to be inclusive and they’re trying to say that they love me the person – my spirit, my mind – and they don’t care about the physical appearance.  So I am thankful because I know their intention.  But let me be clear, when someone says that they only see me and they do not see color, they are squashing that piece of me that ultimately makes me who I am.  They are not actually seeing me.

Being a black woman means that I have the unique issues, challenges and gifts every woman has in addition to this whole other world of being visibly different from the majority that live in my world.

Photo credit: Your Story Photography

 

As a child, I felt like I fit nowhere.  I was rambunctious and mouthy – full of energy and really, really smart.  Due to my vivacious personality, I did not fit in with my well-mannered black girl friends and I always felt like I did not quite fit in with my white girl friends.  And so, I lived in my own world.  Luckily, I had parents who always told me that I was beautiful, smart and could do anything with my life if I worked hard and studied hard.  They taught me the art of discipline and focus.  As a result, these characteristics made me a strong woman.

No automatic alt text available.

As a black girl growing up in a place where I was often the only visible minority in my class and 1 of 4 in my school of 200+ – when images of black people came up on the screen on movie day I felt like all eyes were on me.  When we discussed issues pertaining to the black community in history, like slavery, it felt like all eyes were on me.  And when black people were treated unfairly in the world, like when Rodney King was beaten in the streets by police, it felt like all eyes were on me.  It’s a feeling that really cannot be described by any one word.

I’ve never been militant.  I’ve never marched anywhere, but I have always known that being black is part of my identity.  It makes me empathetic to unfair treatment.  It makes me understand the person who feels left out or like they do not fit in.  It makes me understand the importance of having pride for where you come from and the unique cultural practices that comes with that.  It makes me understand the youth whose parents don’t get what it’s like to grow up in a multicultural community because they grew up back home.  It also allows me to understand the fears of parents raising their kids in a multi-cultural community because they grew up in a community where the village literally raised the child.

photo credit: jasminaphotography.com

I get what it’s like to be different and have to navigate teenage years not looking like everyone else.  BUT this is my experience as a black girl and as a black woman.  Not everyone’s experience is the same.  So, I’m not simply a woman.  You cannot know me and not understand that my blackness, my black experience makes me who I am.  It has shaped me.

So when you see me, if you say you do not see color you are essentially saying you do not see – me.

NEVER be afraid to speak your truth or share what’s in your heart.  Be respectful, be authentic and come from a place or love.  You got this.

Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to the YouTube channel.  Fun stuff happening this fall!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit AND the Finesse Your Life Journal is also available!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Hope in the Face of Hopelessness Part II

Last week I wrote about the similarities and differences between a person with hope and a person who felt hopeless.  Quick recap.  Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experience the three F’s – Fear, frustration and failure.   The main difference between the two is that the person with hope puts action behind theirbelief/hope.  A person who is feeling hopeless does not or feels they cannot make changes to their situation.  I must remind you, the law of physics says that change is inevitable – nothing can remain the same.  The only constant in life is change.  If you can start with that belief, that can be your first step to building the hope muscle.

Please do not think that I am shaming anyone or blaming anyone for their situation.  That is not my intent.  My intent here is to show you that one of the main differences between a person with hope and the person who feels hopeless is that belief/hope in action.  There are MANY reasons as to why a person may be feeling hopeless and feels they are not able to get out of their situation.  I’m not minimizing that many people who are feeling hopeless have a number of other things going on in their lives that feed into the hopelessness like mental health concerns for example.  However, I am saying that with the right supports and by implementing F.A.D. you can strengthen that hope muscle.

What is F.A.D.?

Focus on the positive

Adopt an attitude of gratitude

Daily Affirmations

Focus on the Positive.  When I say focus on the positive, what goes through your mind?  Most people say it means focusing on the good and not thinking about the not so good.  However, one thing that is important to note, is that acknowledging the negative is not a “bad thing”.  Actually, no value judgement needs to be placed on it.  When something bad or negative happens to us, in order to effectively move past the incident/issue we have to feel the emotions as they are, acknowledge the feeling and then move on.  We don’t stay there.  Focusing on the positive means focusing on what you have understanding and accepting where you are and developing a plan to move forward.

 

The other day I woke up thinking “Oh, man I have so much I have to do today” and I quickly corrected myself and said “Oh man, I get to do so much today”.  Perspective is everything!  I get that there are situations that happen in life that seem unfair like the death of a loved one for example.  How do you find the positive in that?  Especially if the loved one is a child or someone who has passed suddenly and tragically?  How do we reframe that?  My suggestion is to feel the sadness, acknowledge that it’s not fair but don’t stay in the trenches.  What did you learn from having that relationship?  What did you love about knowing the person?  What can you do to honor that relationship?  This is how you focus on the positive.  Focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have.

Adopt an attitude of gratitude.  An exercise that goes hand in hand with focusing on the positive is adopting an attitude of gratitude.  I would encourage that every day before you start your day, you look in the mirror and tell yourself three things that you are grateful for.  Ensure to do the same thing in the evening before bed.  When we focus on what we have as opposed to what we don’t have, something happens in our brains and we subconsciously work to maintain or get more of that which makes us happy.  Essentially, when you exercise gratitude the universe works to bring you more.  The result is abundance.  Again, unfortunate events in life can and do happen, but if we can be grateful in the face of those times, we are setting ourselves up for more positive things to happen in our lives.

Daily Affirmations.  Some people actually laugh at the idea of saying daily affirmations because they may think it’s silly or feels weird to affirm daily what you want.  I say – do it anyway.  It can’t hurt!  Research has shown that when we say daily affirmations, it enhances our mood which helps us to accomplish more and helps to increase our confidence levels.  There is also research that shows that people who use positive words and surround themselves with positive messages increase their muscle mass while those who speak negatively of themselves show a decrease in their muscle mass and are more fatigued.  Interesting right?  However, positive affirmations by themselves, in isolation, is not recommended.  Putting action behind the words is important.  Putting yourself on a plan to make the affirmations your genetic truth is vital.  If I say “I am a great motivational speaker” but I do not practice speaking, I read pure negativity and essentially do nothing to make myself great I am setting myself up for disappointment.  If you say “I’m healthy and strong” but you do not do any exercise, eat only fast food, and surround yourself with negativity – that affirmation is likely not going to work because you are not putting positive and purposeful action behind it.  Please, do not misunderstand me – I’m not trying to condemn anyone – but I am trying to set you up to win.  Put positive and purposeful action behind your affirmation and watch it happen.

So how do you find hope when you feel hopeless?  You recognize that one of the main differences between a person with hope and  a person who feels hopeless is that the person with hope is putting purposeful action behind their belief in self and ability.  A person with hope will also implement F.A.D. – Focus on the positive; Adopt an attitude of gratitude; and say Daily affirmations.  Putting F.A.D. into action will help build your hope muscle.  Try it.  Let me know how it goes.

In addition, if we make an effort to remember those top great moments in our lives then that will help foster putting a smile on your face.  Here are my top ten.  I hope they put a smile on your face.

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

Relationship 101

I’m never going to pretend to be a relationship expert in my own life.  My stories are so dramatic they would make great soap opera scripts.  However, I’m incredibly observant and objective when it comes to the relationships of others.  Interesting huh?  Actually, I was speaking to a doctor of psychology once about this very subject and he said, it is very common for those who teach to teach amazingly well but not use that same objectivity in their own lives.  Hmmmmmmm.  Interesting.

So you know me, I won’t take that as a definitive answer.  I just had to prove him wrong.  I can apply my skills with clients to myself if I am purposeful about it.    So I started to observe and scrutinize my own personal relationships and do a bit more observing of the relationships around me.  People, I’ve got to say, we all need to take a step back and RELAX.

Today I wanted to post a cute and funny video on facebook with my Top Ten Most Romantic Date ideas.  In posting that, I wanted to get a message across about how we treat one another in personal, intimate relationships.  I promise not to get too preachy, but this really has to be said.

I have observed friends, colleagues, fb acquaintances, family members, clients and even myself become utterly confused when it comes to relationships.  I’ve watched and experienced tears and pain from rejection, being taken advantage of and broken hearts.  Here’s the thing luvs, relationships really are not complicated if you go into it with three things – honesty, transparency, and kindness.  If you do what you’re supposed to do, and a time comes when you have to walk away, you can do so with a clear conscious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Too often, too many people see someone they want to get to know on an intimate level.  They have a preconceived idea of what that person is like and then they act accordingly to try to win favor with that person.  What if we all made the decision to just be ourselves.  What if we decided that if our personalities just are not good enough for the person we want to impress, then we simply move on?  What would happen if we did that?  I mean, isn’t it better than creating a back story for yourself and making yourself more than you actually are only to have to create a lie to support the lie later.  Eventually the truth is going to come out anyways, so why not be upfront and honest from the beginning.  There’s this old saying that says, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Here is where I’m at in life.  If you are going to enter someone’s life, make your impression honest and positive.  It’s simple and in this case EASY!  See here’s the thing, you do not know what mess or craziness has gone on in another person’s life.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE MADNESS!  I’m being so serious now.  In all you choose to do from here on out choose to be a contributor of positivity, honesty, transparency, and clarity.  Your past is the past you cannot change it.  You can, however, make a conscious decision on how to proceed right after reading this blog.  How?  BE YOURSELF.  If you are interested in someone because you think they have a lot to offer just tell them that.  If you are not interested in someone but you need something from them just tell them that.  I’m laughing right now because I recently had a situation where a guy tried to get romantically involved with me because I guess he thought if I was interested in him I’d help him out with something he needed.  First – I don’t appreciate that someone thought I could be bought that way – not cool.  Secondly, had he been honest I would have gladly helped him out.  I didn’t have an agenda when it came to him anyways – LOL.  In other words, don’t waste people’s time with fancy lines, false promises, and things you think they want to hear.  At this stage of life it’s a time robber and personally, my time is precious.

Image result for honesty clarity transparency pic

Mother Theresa pic was a nice touch right?  LOL.  Ok, so many of you may be thinking I’m venting.  Well, I kind of am but not because I feel I’ve recently been hurt or anything, primarily because after observing these interactions of people in relationships for the last six-eight months – I’m talking seriously observing and taking notes – I am just really tired of seeing and reading about people getting hurt by one another.  I’m also not impressed with being approached by men who do not value the importance of honesty, transparency and clarity.  Here’s a personal example.  I am approached by someone and here is what I say:  I’M NOT DATING OR WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW.  I’M GOOD ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW.  I’M CONCENTRATING ON ME, MY KIDS AND BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.  See how easy honesty, clarity, and transparency can be?  So here is a clear example, if I say I don’t want to date, then don’t pursue me thinking I will change my mind.  You will be wasting your time AND your feelings might get hurt?  Not because I will hurt them, but because you have spent so much time trying to get me to change my mind with no luck.  Y’all know I love you but we have to listen to the words people say and take them at face value.

WHAT IF we decided that when we met someone we were straight honest with them and allowed them to make an informed decision as to whether or not they wanted to move forward with us? I know, a scary proposition right?  They may not like us if we show our true colors.  Here’s the thing – those colors are going to come out.  Yes, we are on our best behavior in the beginning of any new relationship, but we can be on our best behavior and still be honest.  If the person we want decides to stop things – then that’s cool. Out of the billions of people in this world, that one person is not going to make or break your world. It may hurt but you will get over it – trust me I know what I’m talking about. A friend of mine said to me – “If people could be honest with one another in the beginning of a relationship, and that person decides that even after hearing the intentions of their pursuer they want to carry on, then both people have clarity of what to expect and can’t accuse anyone of lying to them later”.  Ladies!  Men!  Listen to what is being told to you.  Don’t think you can change anyone.  Be purposeful in your actions and make informed decisions.  Basically, in the end, let’s try to be kind to one another and treat eachother with respect and love.  Sermon over  (mic drop).

Now that I have you thinking, let’s get to laughing.  Enjoy the video!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

 

Hope in the Face of Hopelessness

It can be absolutely amazing to work with people with the intent of helping to improve their quality of life through the manner in which they think.  It can also be absolutely exhausting – lol.  I’ve spent nearly two decades helping people take a look at their situation and try to help them view it in a different light.  I’ve tried to really encourage people and show people that what they see in front of them right now does not have to be what they see in front of them six months from now.  What I have found is that sometimes people are not ready for change for whatever reason – it could be because they are comfortable in their discomfort, they don’t know a different way or, most often, they don’t believe their situation can change.  They have this deep rooted sense of hopelessness.

Image result for hope pics

Last week I had an opportunity to speak at an event about hope in the face of hopelessness.  I provided the individuals in my breakout session with three key ways to grow their hope muscle.  However, before I share that with you, I want you to know that in my experience there is only one main difference between a person with hope and a person who is feeling hopeless.  Let me explain in the form of the three F’s.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless feel FEAR.  In other words, there is not a person on the planet that does not experience that feeling of fear at some point in their lives.  It could be fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of change – no matter what the cause of the fear we all experience it.  BUT the person with hope has a belief that the situation will change and will feel the fear and will press forward.  The person who feels hopeless, may also feel the situation can change but they’ve allowed the fear to paralyze them and feel as though they can’t move forward.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless feels FRUSTRATION.  We tend to feel frustrated when things do not go our way.  We feel especially frustrated when we take chances or risks and they do not succeed or turn out the way we imagined.  We tend to feel frustrated when people disappoint us and do not follow through with what they say they’re going to do.  We tend to feel frustrated when we find ourselves in the same situation over and over again and know in our hearts that things need to change but we don’t know how to change them.  In other words, we all feel frustration sometimes.  BUT the person with hope has a belief that the situation will change and eventually something will have to give and the frustration will subside.  They will look for opportunities to help create the change.  The person who feels hopeless may also feel the situation can change but they are so entrenched in the feelings of frustration, it has stopped them from believing anything else is possible.

Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experiences FAILURE.  A common definition of failure is that we do not get the expected result we want.  That is a simple definition.  Did you know that sometimes that can be a blessing though?  Did you know that sometimes when things don’t pan out the way we expect them to there is a lesson to be learned to help propel us even further?  At some point, we all have experienced some level of failure in our lives.  BUT the person with hope has the belief that they can learn from the situation and try again.  The person who feels hopeless sees failure as yet another acknowledgement that they are not good enough, or confirmation that they are not able to succeed.

So what is the common denominator here?  Both the person with hope and the person who feels hopeless experience, fear, frustration and failure.  Both have a belief that things could possibly change.  The main difference is that the person with hope puts action behind the belief/hope.  A person who is feeling hopeless does not or feels they cannot make changes to their situation.  I must remind you, the law of physics says that change is inevitable – nothing can remain the same.  The only constant in life is change.  If you can start with that belief, that can be your first step to building the hope muscle.

Image result for hope pics

Please do not think that I am shaming anyone or blaming anyone for their situation.  That is not my intent.  My intent here is to show you that the one of the main differences between a person with hope and the person who feels hopeless is that belief/hope in action.  There are MANY reasons as to why a person may be feeling hopeless and feels they are not able to get out of their situation.  I’m not minimizing that many people who are feeling hopeless have a number of other things going on in their lives that feed into the hopelessness like mental health concerns for example.  However, I am saying that with the right supports and by implementing F.A.D. you can strengthen that hope muscle.

What is F.A.D.?

Focus on the positive

Adopt an attitude of gratitude

Daily Affirmations

Before this blog post turns into a book I’m going to stop here.  HOWEVER, if you come back next week, I will expand on F.A.D. and show you exactly what you need to do in order to grow the hope muscle and turn from someone who feels hopeless to a person with hope.  BUT if you really need expansion on this RIGHT NOW contact me and I will elaborate.  Y’all know I love you!  You got this!

Believing in you,

J

I know that our mood plays a huge role in our feelings of hope and hopelessness so please check out this video on ten ways to help enhance your mood.

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Real Deal in Learning to Finesse Your Life

Finesse – to be skillful in managing a sensitive situation.  What situation could be more sensitive than your life?  We only have the one life and a friend of mine said to me once – Life is short but the longest thing we’ll ever do.  Better enjoy it right?  That has forever stuck with me.  Life does seem to quickly go by.  Especially as I get older, time seems to be flying!  I mean, it will be Christmas in less than five months!  It seems like we just celebrated Christmas a few weeks ago!

 

In all seriousness though, here’s my thing, it is possible to live life all haphazard like, meaning, it is possible to just live and let things happen as they may.  But that is like playing poker.  If you’re lucky then you may get the result you want and if you’re unlucky then you’ll get some results you don’t want.  All in all, you just take things as they come.  I mean, you can live life really laissez fair if you want to but I choose to live life with purpose and direction.  There are pros and cons to both but as you have likely guessed, I’m for team finessing your life.

 

Like anything in life, I believe that there is a time and a place for letting things happen vs creating a plan, executing the plan, learning from the execution and then living off the fruits.  I know I make this seem simple, and in reality it is fairly simple but that does not mean it is easy.  There is an art to the creation and execution of the plan.  Let me share with you four steps that I think are vital for this to happen:

  1. Determine what you want the end result to be.  What is your objective?  In the end, who do you want impacted?  The answers to these questions may change along the way, but to go in knowing the answers to these questions will at least give you a blue print to what you are doing and will allow you to accomplish step #2.
  2. Build your team. Nothing is done in isolation.  As much as we want to admire the people who say I built this empire/accomplished this goal all by myself – it’s not true.  I guarantee you that there was help along the way.  Whether that help was simply in support and motivation or actual hands in the pot helping to stir, someone helped along the way.  When you are building your team, remember to choose members that are strong where you are weak, who are not afraid to tell you the truth, and who operate in integrity.
  3. Be courageous. With accomplishing any goal, you will need to be ok with taking risks.  I’m not talking about having to take HUGE risks, but risks that are going to push you out of your comfort zone.  Risks that will make you stretch.  Be smart, but be courageous.
  4. Most importantly believe. This is your dream.  You have to believe it.  Your belief and determination to accomplish the dream will be what rallies your troops.  This belief will be what gets you going when you feel like quitting.  You have to believe that your dream is possible and then go for it!

What I’ve shared with you are the beginning steps to the creation and execution of the plan.  Believe me when I say there is more to each of these steps.  However, these four steps or strategies will get you started.  Know what you want, bring on people to help accomplish what you want, be willing to take risks to get what you want, and most importantly believe in what you want.  This is how you Finesse Your Life.  You are strategic in the moves you make to accomplish what you want.  and carefully/purposefully manage the moving parts to propel you forward.  You got this!

I believe in you,

J

P.S. Having an accountability partner or a coach can help you to accomplish the above.  Check out this video re. why a coach is important and how to select a good one!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Mental Health – Helping to Lessen the Stigma

Over the last few years mental health awareness has been on the rise with the hope that the more we talk about it the less stigma there is on the issue.  With big companies like Bell Canada making their initiatives nationwide it certainly is helping.

Mental Health is one of the if not the most judged condition that I know of.  Having worked in the social service field for nearly twenty years, I will admit that when I was doing front line child protection, my least favorite cases were those that involved impaired mental health.  Let me explain.  I am a really good negotiator and reasoner.  I can go into a very heated situation and help to calm it down and come to a shared understanding.  I am pretty gifted with that.  But when you are trying to reason with someone who does not have the capacity to reason and a child’s well being is at stake it can sometimes feel that you are forced to punish one of the victims in the situation – the parent/caregiver.  I have to tell you, it was not the greatest feeling for anyone involved.

Impaired mental health is like a disease.  The stigma should be no different then if someone was diagnosed with cancer, the flu, or dermatitis.  There are treatments but no cure for those conditions right?  Well, depression, bi-polar disorder and anxiety are also conditions where there are treatments but no cures.  The effects can be equally as devastating.

The brain is a very complex organ.  Doctors and scientists are making huge strides everyday and the research is showing that many mental health diagnoses are due to chemical imbalances within the brain.  It is still not fully understood but as mentioned, doctors and scientists are learning more and more everyday.

As I mentioned above, big companies such as Bell have started initiatives in increase awareness, but it’s not only the big companies that are doing things to help educate and make the public aware.  There are people locally like my friend, Nicolle Stevenson, who are doing things right here in our own backyard to help  make a difference for people impacted by impaired mental health.

On August 13, 2017 Nicolle’s event, The MAMA (Mothers Advocating Mental Awareness) Project will be hosting an event to support, educate and encourage mamas who are on a journey to mental wellness.  Nicolle has advised that mental illness will affect 1 in 3 Canadians in their lifetime and the MAMA project was created to walk alongside those who need a hand along the way.  I will be a speaker at this event and I’m honored to be there to help.

It will be a great day.  Please plan to join us if you are in the London, ON area.  If you are not in the area, consider making a donation whether it be in volunteering information, supporting the members in the private group, or making a donation.  https://www.facebook.com/theMAMAprojectcanada/

See you there!  In the meantime, check out the video that Nicolle and I created with the help of Andrew Stephenson from Shake Media where we talk about our top ten tips to help take care of your mental wellness.

 

 

Believing in you always,

Jen

#SlayYourDay

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!  We have a Finesse private Facebook group where we interact daily to encourage and support one another.  Please join us:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/FinesseYourLife/

Slay Your Day!

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.  For an autographed copy please go to the website under the “shop” tab.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Living Your Truth

When you hear the phrase “Live your truth” what does that mean to you?  For me, it means being your authentic self no matter what other people may think, say, or do.  But what happens when you don’t really know who you are anymore?  What happens when you have lived your life being who you are expected to be and doing for others that you no longer know who you actually are?  It’s weird to think that you don’t know yourself but so many of us do just that – walk around like we got it all together when in actuality we don’t even know who we are!

The other day I asked a client, what are things that you like to do?  What puts a smile on your face?  After some thought the response was – “I don’t know”.  See, she had spent so much time doing and achieving that the time to simply just be was lost resulting in her no longer knowing the basics of herself.  And she’s not alone.  I remember a friend of mine asking me the same question a while back and I could not answer him.  I could not say what I enjoyed doing.  You would think it would be an easy question to answer and the answer would come as easy as it is to breathe air.  But no, not for all of us.  So while we think we are being authentic and living in our truth, we are actually living in the truths of others because we don’t know what our own truths are.  Hmmmm…

This is not to shame anyone or point fingers.  In fact, the point of this is to get you thinking about who you are and who you want to be.  My personal strength is helping people to ask themselves the hard questions to get them to face the reality of who they are.  Then I help and support them to continue to be who they are if they choose, but more often their choice is that I  help and support them to become who they want to be – a person of purpose, a person who serves, a person who is genuinely happy from the inside.  Please keep in mind that feeling happy and being happy are two different things.  I help you to BE happy.  It’s a journey but it’s a good journey to be on.

Now, in any journey that we go on, it is so important to equip ourselves with the right travel tools.  If you’re going on a hike maybe you need sunscreen?  Maybe you need snacks and drinks?  Maybe you need a map?  Well, when we are going on a journey of self-discovery many of us will need some support and it is really important to know where that support is coming from.  I’m an advocate of coaches and counselors.  I believe they can help guide and navigate through some of the rough patches whether it be in our life, our business, or whatever else you may need some support to achieve the level of success that you want. To find the right coach/counselor for you, there are some questions that you should ask and maybe even some research to do.  Check out the video below to understand why a coach is valuable and more importantly, what to look for in the right coach for you!

Thank you to Jenna Goodhand for joining me to help you determine why you may need a coach and what to look for in a coach.

Enjoy the video and leave a comment.  We would love to know your thoughts and read any suggestions you may have that may help someone reading this today.

 

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!

Slay Your Day!

Believing in you,

Jen

P.S. I wrote a book called Finesse Your Life – Mind, Body and Spirit!  Check it out on Amazon.com!  Paperback and Kindle versions available.

https://www.amazon.com/Finesse-Your-Life-Mind-Spirit/dp/1548117080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499282890&sr=8-1&keywords=Finesse+Your+Life

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/coachjenslay

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ

 

Word of the Day Wednesday – LOVE

Did you enjoy your day yesterday? February 14th is known as the day of love and so of course our Word of the Day Wednesday is LOVE!

Love:  An intense feeling of deep affection

Now, we all know about romantic love (or at least we’ve heard and watched it on every other movie Hollywood puts out there), and we know about the love for a child or a parent, BUT do you love the most important person in your life?  Do you love you?

This wise book has an excerpt that says “Love your neighbour as yourself”, meaning that we need to treat people the way we would treat ourselves and care about people the way we would care about ourselves. Can I be perfectly honest with you?  I think one of the major problems that we have here on this Earth today is that we are not loving ourselves and it is surely showing in how we treat others. I would argue that we are treating people as we treat ourselves. We have fallen out of love with the most important person in our lives – ourselves!

Some people would say that we have become a very  selfish Society.  Maybe even a very narcissistic Society.  But have you stopped to wonder why?  With people wanting to harm themselves because they didn’t get as much likes on facebook as the next person, there is something wrong!  Why does outside validation mean so much?  When are we going to be ok with self validation?  When?

Do me a favor and at least start to think about what I’m saying here.  Start to love yourself.  Take time for yourself, treat yourself kindly by saying and thinking positive things about yourself, get enough sleep, surround yourself with positive people – LOVE YOURSELF! You can do this, I believe you can. Do you?  Start with this – look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive.  Do it now.  Start that love thang and SLAY it with passion!

SLAY your day!  Believe in you!

If you liked what you’ve read and it has helped you in some way please like, share, and comment below.  If you didn’t like what you read – share it anyway – someone needs to read this today.

jen-pic

Remember to subscribe!

Visit Jen on:

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/JenSlayvision

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jenslayvisionary

Instagram:  www.instagram.com/jenslayvision1

Email:  info@jenslay.com

Linkedin:  https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jenslay

website:  www.jenslay.com

Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeP-4bcglXNL2_FVoCr0PdQ